Cas, Thanks for your positive vibes. I posted a note on your thread.
Lance, thank you VERY much for your perspective! I really appreciate it. You are probably right about my XH not being in Acceptance. Thank you for your encouragement to journal. Sometimes I feel self-indulgent when I journal, yet submitting my thoughts to words helps to organize them...........and I value others' perspectives, so I will continue.
I don't feel like a "beacon of light"....... , yet I DO remember how I scoured others' threads for hope when I first came here. I saw a number of posters talk about movement toward reconnection and it was very encouraging........
I received my copy of "The Pain Behind the Mask" Overcoming Masculine Depression" today and I think I will start reading it before bedtime. Thanks for that recommendation Lance!
One last thing....monday night (2 days ago) when I came home from playing PP with XH, I found myself to be really excited. I had a very difficult time falling asleep and kept thinking about how warm and fun my interaction with XH had been that evening. I felt as though I had just been on a really fun date with a new guy..........That feeling really took me by surprise! One of my concerns has been that I wasn't certain XH and I could get back to the kid of fun and happy R we had before. After feeling that way monday night, I think that it is possible for me to feel that way again..........and just as noteworthy, my gut tells me that on some level, XH felt that way too, if only for a short time. NC today between us. I'm giving XH space to think about how much fun we had...........I think that if XH and I reconnect, that slowly getting to know each other again would be the right way to do it. When we first met, H/XH and I had amazing chemistry and probably became serious too quickly. I think a slower pace would give us a firmer foundation as friends or romantic partners.
One of my concerns has been that I wasn't certain XH and I could get back to the kid of fun and happy R we had before. After feeling that way monday night, I think that it is possible for me to feel that way again..........and just as noteworthy, my gut tells me that on some level, XH felt that way too, if only for a short time. NC today between us. I'm giving XH space to think about how much fun we had...........I think that if XH and I reconnect, that slowly getting to know each other again would be the right way to do it. When we first met, H/XH and I had amazing chemistry and probably became serious too quickly. I think a slower pace would give us a firmer foundation as friends or romantic partners.