CD, did you do exactly as you were feeling at the moment? Were you being authentically you or did you act in a way in which you hoped she would like you more?
No. I can actually say when I saw the first line I honestly believed she sent it to the wrong person. When the rest came at me, all I could think was "Why would I have any need for this story? Why are you telling me this?" So, after I realized it was intended for me, all I could think of to say was to validate her feelings and acknowledge how she must feel. Personally, I felt confused.
Originally Posted By: Steady
Do you want this woman as a friend? I mean really? I know I don't want a friend who is treating me like my W is. She's lying and fabricating things about me. Then taking these lies and slandering me to other people.
No. Not THIS version of her. Not at all. Not close to the quality of MY friends.
Originally Posted By: Steady
One day I may want to be friends with my W. That day is not today. Her actions are way over the top desctructive to me. It's a poison I don't need in my life. I don't want someone in my life who continues to treat me the way she is. Knowing that, I draw my boundary - She's not my friend. I won't talk to her as a friend. She's someone I co-parent with therefore I only communicate with her about the kids. My boundary. It's healthy for me and I don't care what it does to her. She's an adult, she is responsible for her own reactions. You can't live trying to protect people.
EXACTLY
Originally Posted By: Steady
CD only you can draw your own boundaries with your W. Do you want to have chit chat texts like the one she sent or not? I mean... Do YOU want it? Not what she wants or she needs or what will make you look more favorably to her. What do you want? When you figure that out, then you can draw your boundaries around it. It will shift and change...then you merely redraw your boundaries.
Well, I did today what I wanted. I will continue to treat texts or words or actions that are unacceptable as unacceptable. Things I feel are unnecessary will be responded to (or not) as such. And as I grow stronger, these lines will shift to differing levels. But the boundaries will be tangible. I can't wait to be strong enough to begin setting boundaries for ME, too. As in, not smoking anymore.
