First, some of those plans are boundaries and some are tasks... I rephrased them all as boundaries (minimum commitment you can accept him living there with)
Boundaries while living together :
1. No facebook trolling - no facebook at all 2. No texting/emailing other women without ccing wife 3. Continue with nightly homework 4. One light stress free 30 min talk each day 5. Read books given - 20 pp daily 6. No negative commentary 7. No discussing marriage with children 8. All finances are done with cc to ensure its recorded 9. Financial books done and discussed end of each month 10.All purchases over 100$ are discussed first and agreed on as a couple 11. No exploring apartment buildings, asking friends if they have spare room etc
It’s #4 and 5 that I’m having trouble with. Does he have to be fully committed to M to stay home and do the work or can he just be committed to trying??? #5 – does him going to FT for personal issues count or does it have to be MC?
What do we mean by going to a FT vs going to a MC? Is he going to either right now?
Maybe put it in your signature... I really think people should put the positives in sigs, most of the time its just the negatives... Which won't motivate you much...
We are defining "commited" through our boundary list above... would you describe the person that does these things above as committed?
What else would he be doing that isn't there? Is there something else he would be doing or not doing to refine the description above?
This IS our definition of commitment above... If he sticks to that then he's committed... Just keep reading the list to decide if that makes YOU feel SAFE to continue...
This is what we are aiming for is an environment where you and the kids feel safe from abusive threats to exit the family. It's a traumatic thing to hold over people and you need to know he's NOT doing anything to hit a nerve there.
Think about things he's done so far that left you nervous... Such as hiding his phone or anything like that...
I didn't put the phone on there, feel free to add it...
