All I am saying is your W isn't all that hard to figure out. I understand the last two years of your marriage had massive problems with finances and your business closing and I know you and your W dealt with it in very different ways. You also had said a while back that your W has NEVER been good at handling or dealing with adult stresses or problems and that was something that was present long before the financial/business issue.

I am unsure why you think she will somehow change when that problem existed long before your financial/business problems happened. It's who she is. Unless she wants to change it she won't and nothing you can do will have any bearing on her at all. I am not being unkind about your W because 99.9% of the time I have no idea what I am doing, lol!

I don't think your W is all that angry about the marriage. She sounds done and detached. I think she is pissed that she had to deal with the house issue for as long as she has and I think she is pissed the house issue didn't come neatly packaged with a divorce settlement.

I understand you have looked around a bit but honestly, I really do think your W is up to something with somebody else. Or she is very invested in the idea of having somebody else. If that is not the case and she is just that pissed about a house, well, IMO that is a very serious issue only she can work on.

She just doesn't sound well equipped to handle things and it doesn't sound like this is a new problem. And while you can work to change the dynamic (I know you have) there is only so much you can do.

Sometimes it helps me to take "my stuff" out of the equation and think in generalities. You know how they say not the same thing will work for everybody? Think of the all the discussions that have taken place on this site about sleeping with your spouse when they are in an affair. Who is to say what is right or wrong? I guess nobody. Now me? I sure as hell would not be prancing around in a pair of thigh highs and a corset in the hopes it would "woo" my H and show him I am the better option. I sure as hell would not sleep with ANYBODY while they are sleeping with somebody else even if that "somebody" happened to be my husband. Hell no. As arrogant as my H is even he would know better to even ask for such a thing, lol! But for many people they say sex with an estranged spouse went a long way in keeping some sort of connection. So what would work for me/you could be way different.

I don't think any form of C'ing is more right but in my experience (which again really means jack) I felt better about myself and my present and future when my C was very action orientated for ME. Your C sounds like he is a friend that likes to talk. If he has known couples that did not talk for a year then what does that say about his skill set?

I think the term "hard approach" is not always what people think. Give her a divorce and get a fair settlement. All that means is the legal part of your marriage has been dissolved. If she is not BS'ing you then she will get C'ing without your prompting and will want to get to know you again. If she is full of crap then at least the business side of things will be settled and you can go from there.

I realize this is just a gut feeling and I should probably keep it to myself but I have always thought of your W as incredibly sneaky and manipulative who knew how to play you like a fiddle. I mean my H and I were in an absolute legal war that was horrifying, he was having an affair and lots of VERY unpleasant stuff was happening and we still spoke.

So as a woman I can tell you that if I chose not to talk to somebody for nine months they wouldn't even be a blip on my radar... they would be an unpleasant chore that I still had ties to.

What is the big deal about creating a settlement? Who cares if it's tied to the house? I really am just trying to understand!