Of course, back then I really could not come to grips with just what I was dealing with. I could see the betrayal, of course, but it took me a while to really understand the depth of that betrayal, just how far she was willing to hurt me and take me for everything. And given the person I had always seen her to be, for the previous 17 years I had know her, it was impossible to find congruence in the two extremes of personality. Night and day. Night and day...
I think I had for so long held out hope that the "day" persona had been real at least once upon a time and would soon resurface.
Yes, letting go was best in my case. And sooner might well have been best. Perhaps. I'll never know.
But I have no regrets for standing for M, even if it exacerbated the animosity of the wayward. I know now, just as I knew then, to the very core of my soul, that it was more important to stand for honor and to stand on principle, whatever the cost to myself personally, to be the model of love, integrity and commitment to ideals before my children. And so I can rest assure that I will be able to look my two S's squarely in the eyes some day and honestly tell them I did my best for our family and stood for my M to their mother. And while I continued to make mistakes along the way I know that those were often the result of hard choices, and opting for the lesser of two evils.
...
It's been about three years now since I discovered these boards. I continue to lurk and check in on the many friends and acquaintances I have found here. I also remark about how many lives have changed and that many have moved on. Most are on the alt now, more so there than in DB now. It is the way of change I guess.
