I guess my point is that some LBSs have already begun the same journey that other LBSs only start at the B. Some are well into the work, others haven't ever considered that it was needed. Each person has a different starting point.
I wish it wasn't so
but it is.
And
I still have so much more to learn
regardless of my age.
I agree.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
I am old enough to have gone through my own life transitions, to have reevaluated myself, my values and my decisions several times over, and to have found a measure of peace with where I've been and why, who I am, and what I believe is important in my life. I have been in an R long enough to understand the gives and takes, ups and downs, the ways in which my H and I have helped and hurt each other, and why. I knew what my personal challenges were well before the B, because I had examined them in the context of both myself and as a partner, and had begun the work some time ago.
Hey Twink ... while I agree that age is a natural process started for some, I think that in addition to putting in time on this planet, experience comes with, well ... experience, and not just age. I think that sometimes this process gets begun regardless of age ... personality and ones experiences can also lead one to begin the work of looking inside. It did for me. Granted, I went on hiatus when the B dropped, and it took me a bit to get back on my feet. The work I'd already started served as a foundation, and I found myself in a place where I didn't need to start the work, I needed to CONTINUE it.
Originally Posted By: Twink
I guess my point is that some LBSs have already begun the same journey that other LBSs only start at the B. Some are well into the work, others haven't ever considered that it was needed. Each person has a different starting point. Regardless of where that is, I do agree with you wholeheartedly that personal growth should really never end.
And continue it I will ... this is a never ending process.
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Interesting conversation going on while I was away!
All I know about my own self is that I became complacent in my marraige and everything in my life really! I quit growing as a person, as a wife and maybe even as a mother!
But...I did not cause H's MLC. I can't help him, but I can work on me...
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
You know CW, I bet there's not very many of us, our MLCers included, that didn't become complacent at least some of the time during our M.
RL sets in and sometimes it's all you can do just to tread water. I imagine you especially when you were fighting your illness thought that just being able to tread water was a good day.
The difference between your illness and your H's is that you came back swinging. Your H decided that running away and using ow as a band-aid was the way to go.
There's a strength there CW, and I have no doubt that you'll be more than OK no matter how your sitch turns out!
RL sets in and sometimes it's all you can do just to tread water. I imagine you especially when you were fighting your illness thought that just being able to tread water was a good day.
That is really true SA!
I know you will be ok too no matter what happens!!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
You know, it is still gracious of us to admit our fault in the marriage but I am pleased to see that you are fully aware that there is no correlation between what you "did" and his affair! I finally understood that a few months ago...slow learner, I am!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I agree with the "working on me" part! I am trying to refocus myself on that now. I have become a big fan of David Schnarch's work (Intimacy & Desire). THis morning I began listening to the audiobook of Passionate Marriage on my commute. I am planning to use Schnarch's work as an outline for building a better R in the future, whether its with XH or someone else.
P.S. I left you some biking pointers on my thread. It involves black spandex.
GAG-Thanks for the biking pointers and book recommendation! I may have to check that out!
NM-I am a slow learner too!!!
So, I found out today that H has not told one of his friends/old co-worker about us. We share the wood splitter with him and H has seen/talked with him since this happened. I got a weeding invite today in the mail from this guys daughter. It was addressed to Mr and Mrs H and family. I do this girls hair and wondered if they knew as the last time she was in, she didn't mention it and neither did I.
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
