About Ready To Throw In The Towel

[acsnow]

Before you get to excited, no my wife and I are not getting back together. We are still getting divorce. I wish I could say this divorce was busted. I have not seen her in 7 weeks (D18 graduation) and I have no contact with her except about the divorce. Last year at this time I would of never imagined that I would be getting divorced. W still has a lot of issues to resolve. I believe she feels this divorce is her next step in her journey to finding happiness.

We have come to an agreement. I am getting the house back. I will have to give her a chunk of money. It is about a 65/35 split to my advantage. I will be moving back in the house by Nov 1st. She has 90 days to find a place .For the most part I did come out on the better end of the deal financially. I did not spend much on legal fees either and I had a great lawyer.

When this crazy [censored] all started 4.5 years ago I can remember thinking how am I ever going to go on living. The most important person in my life is emotionally gone. I would think of ways of hurting myself but would realize who am I really going to hurt?

Fast forward to this past year:

After reading stacks of books, IC for a year, reading sitches on this forum, not sleeping, crying ,connecting with friends and family, started going to church and GAL ,the only person that can make me happy is ME. Happiness has to come from within. I can remember listening to this personal growth CD and the instructor was saying make a list of the people in your life that you would want to have relationship with and in what order. He then said look at your list and look who is at the top. Your own name should be at the top of the list. That’s when it hit home that I am responsible for my own happiness.

I also realize that I can’t change my stbxw. I do wish that we could of saved our marriage but in order to save our relationship I must let her go and set her free . I do believe that stbxw will someday regret what she gave up, by then it will probably be too late for any reconciliation.

I don’t post on here much but I do read just about every day and I just want to say thank you to each and every one of you. To all the newbies that think there life has ended and there is nothing to live for. Take this time in your life as a chance to renew yourself. I will get better. I never thought I would ever get through this. After 4.5 years I am starting to come out the other side. I can almost touch the light at the end of the tunnel. This is not about you it is about them. My 20 D said to me that made a lot of sense. She said “ dad maybe she just doesn’t want to bring you down with her”.