NC, I think we all dropped the rope as soon as we are able. We all progress at different rates. I know I have regrets sometimes--definitely wish I'd kicked X out when he was living with me and the kids and "dating" OW or whatever you want to call it. I would NEVER put up with that again!!! But I remember I was in that kind of mood where I was full of regrets, and my therapist at the time said but you did the best you could at the time, she was right, as much as a depressed, zero self-esteem person could do. And you know I think it's 100% admirable that you worked on your marriage, and fought to keep your family intact. You shouldn't have regrets. And truthfully, I think if our X's weren't kind of nutty, we may have had more success. Nothing you can do about that...
