Still trying to find my way

[Mystik]

H called me at twenty to 8 this morning, tried both my cell and my house phone. I ignored him, was feeling a bit too unsettled after the dream I had.

I dreamt that H and I were visiting BIL that lives quite a distance away. He was asking us how it was going for us, being back together. H answered it was fine, but we did have that issue about the baby with another woman. I teared up and turned away, BIL saw and asked H if we had worked through it yet. H said somewhat, but that it still hurt me, that a lot of what he did had hurt me. Then it was just me and H and somehow I knew we were trying to get pregnant. H put his hand between my legs and pulled it out bloody, then told me he wished I could just get pregnant already so I didn't do this anymore. (By "do this" he meant get my period.) But he didn't say it in a way that was blaming me, he said it in a sad way like he too was disappointed that month it hadn't happened.

So yeah, a rather unsettling dream of what I hope so much to have happen.