Look I am saying if they want a divorce what are you going to do?
You don't have control over that.
You do have control over your own actions.
And only your own actions or reactions.
Originally Posted By: steady
The love we show isn't love at all. It's an exchange of giving and getting. When the person is with us we love them. As soon as they try to leave we despise them and curse them.
In all actuality we are doing what the WAS is doing - except in the completely opposite direction. They want to be happy. They do what they do looking for it. When they leave, we are unhappy. We want them to come back so we can be happy.
Right spot the f@ck on!
When you do achieve detachment and you do understand that love is not what get from another it is what you give
without needing its return
Then
Let's just take the case that brought us all here.
Your W had an A.
At first you want to "get" them back. You want something and they want something different.
Maybe they are scared, confused or whatever and they think that the only way they can be loved like they want to be is to leave and have an A.
Then
We grow and we understand.
And that is the journey of the LBS.
If we run away because they reject us are we any different?
You confirm to her that you did not really love her by this rejection because it is after all conditional.
You confirm for her the doubts she has about herself and you.
IMO there is opportunity to express and communicate to your W that you love her more than just an exchange.
You have an opportunity to prove to yourself that you can love without those conditions.
That you are only expressing what you believe...
For a time long enough to where you can move on without anger or resentment.
That you are not a victim of soemone who wouldn't give you what you wanted
BUT
Someone who has courage enought to express the best kind fo love for his W.
To heal.
And during that time maybe, just maybe...
This expression of love has a chance to flourish and
your W maybe understands this and your M is saved.
A possibility?
That you will love and honor them.
Honor means that if they want to divorce you then that is their choice
How are you harmed if you are no longer attached to outcomes.
You are not holding on.
That takes effort.
That means you are trying to control.
You are GIVING away...
How would you want to be loved?
Only when you are peaceful and not scared?
Or
When you have lost your way and are so scared you run away?
This is not a point of black and white this is a process just as our growth is a lifelong process.
That requires constant experience, pain and correction.
There is a gift to be understood through this process,
...this tragedy we have endured.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
