They arne't trying to be cruel, its more just them being self involved
I think the most important thing to say to him is
DO you think you are the ONLY person who is unhappy here?
There is a difference between us, but its not you being more unhappy than I am.. It's how YOU are handling it and how I am handling it. I am working to improve things here while you are walking in two directions at once and worse you are threatening our children... While I have to run damage control to settle them down.
If you are going to leave, then leave, I would rather have this abuse OUT of our children's lives than have to stomach it every day. I would PREFER we worked TOGETHER as a couple to offer a better home for ourselves and our kids. But your idea of making things better is destroying them instead. And worse you try to make a false show of cooperating with your family while you are sabotaging your marriage in the background.
If you are HERE.. then BE HERE... 100%. You dont have to be happy right now, neither of us are.. But being here 50% and apartment hunting 50% isn't going to fly and you KNOW it.
Things get better when you WORK on them 100%... You can't pour water on a fire and then toss more gasoline on it by announcing you are apartment hunting...
If you actually find the courage to work with your family then do it, but do it 100% without background sabotage and abuse or don't bother.
Sorry, it came out mroe as a rant.. lol
the main thing is him being there 100%. He isn't, he's there 50% and out teh door the other 50%.
Q: You said he doenst contact his family at all? I assume that's by his choice? He ran out on them too is that right?
I like the rant!!!! Works for me! Although, I'm not sure when to use it.
As for the family: he talks with his sister some and his mom occasionally. He and his dad do not speak. I wouldn't say it's by his choice but his dad is quite the jerk. (And guess who H is acting like?!) His whole family has a history of cutting and running: his mom on his biological dad, on his adopted dad, and his stepdad on him, his mom, and sister. Yes, confusing: he has a 3 'dads' none of whom are in his life. His mom doesn't dislike me or anything, but she is so self involved that she doesn't even bother getting to know our children: no bday cards, Christmas, didn't even get a graduation card for D18 from her. So - not a lot of family attachments here.
