Is there someone you can stay with also when you move in November?Do you know why your H picked November?
Yes, I could stay with my parents or oldest brother. I am hesitant to do that as I really don't want them involved, plus I'd still be in limbo. As you pointed out, that is very hard. H is suggesting either I rent an apt or possibly buy a condo with my separate/saved cash.I really don't know yet what I will do.
H is very curious about my 180. Twice he has said he notices I am calm, positive and appear happy. H asked me today "how" was feeling.I said I really didn't want to get into discussing emotions. H was surprised by this reply. I did tell him this M wasn't working for me either and that we both need to be free to be our true selves. H said yes, when we blame each other we aren't our real selves and if we are angry we cannot ever have a new good life. I worry that by saying these types of things, I am giving H signal I want out. Agreeing with H is the right thing to do, but it is scary too.
Our meeting today was all business. It's hard, but I got through it.I was businesslike also. H is not emotional and is all about making lists.I realize this is how H controls his emotions. H's emotions are carefully controlled. I have been seeing a bit of a crack in the tough, cold veneer.
I am financially dependent on H at this time. I receive unemployment but it isn't much compared to my real salary when working. If only I were working it would be much easier!! I am 55 and was thinking before the bomb dropped, of retiring. The job hunt hasn't turned up much. I will keep on looking and something WILL pop.I have hip replacement surgery Sept 27th, so really cannot start working anyway (this is why I am still in the house with H, he is allowing me to have surgery on his medical ins. before I move out), until I am healed and have moved.
I was thinking yesterday, that this has been quite a year!! 1.Lost job in April 2.Bomb dropped July 20th. "Separated" but still at home 3.Moving in November unless H wants me to stay and I agree
I like what you said about being strong, NB. WE are sure that, my friend.We never really know how tough our crust is until these types of experiences test us.We both has risen to the challenges. I am very proud of you!!!!!
It is so healthy for you that you remain calm when H yells, and rants. YOU will always have your self respect.
What is the "alt " you mentioned???
Yes, H and I did the old type of MC.It only made things worse. Have you tried MC?? I think SBT is the answer- if a M can indeed be saved, this is how it will be.
I hope I answered some of your questions.
Please write when you can. I enjoy keeping in touch with another woman warrior!! Let's both focus on ourselves and you, of course, your DD.
