How To Tell The Kids

[DanF]

I have screwed-up my lfe. If I had been nice to W, I would probably still be living in the house until the final decree.

I'm glad that I have been able to help you guys and I am glad for your support, but it just doesn't seem to be helping me at the moment. I'm sitting in my office at work weeping.

On a positive note, W's attorney did agree to modify the order to allow me additional funds for the kids vacation! I will try to be happy for them. They are looking forward to it so much.

Thanks everyone.

[DanF]

W just sent me a listing on a property for rent that looks pretty nice, but it is already rented.

[pinhead]

Dan,

Don't feel bad about weeping. I'm lucky. My desk faces away from everyone so when I have my daily pity party, no one really notices, or at least pretends not to notice. There's nothing wrong with grieving. You've tried SOOOOOOO hard, and you have nothing to be ashamed about. This isn't about screwing up your life, this is about your wife leaving. Let her go. Pick up the pieces of your life, put them together, take care of your kids, and eventually this pain will fade to a dull throb.

God be with you. Pinhead

[MakingProgress]

Sorry, Dan. It's so painful to read this stuff and it scares the hell out of me.

I hope that somehow it works out for you.

[Espr444]

Hey,Dan
I thought I'd never find a good place, but when you least expect it something pops up.. My W did the samething for me with the aprtment guide.

I told her thanks but it was a slap in the face and I can find a place I don't want your help!! I found a place and move out a month later. Things will look up and just think of your great kids. Try and think positive I no it's tough..

Well talk later Hope

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Believe it or not, you have the stronger position here. Because she has no passion and doesn't really care about what it is she's fighting for. Yes she might have a crack attorney, but all that guy cares about is money. You are the ONLY person fighting for what's best for your kids.

Agree with Goodman, Dan. You are Poland, fighting on your own soil, for your homeland. Be as brave and courageous and resourceful as they were.

I also love the business analogy -- TREAT THIS AS THE MOST IMPORTANT BUSINESS DEAL OF YOUR LIFE (because it is), and

PREPARE

PREPARE

PREPARE.

You can handle it. "Strength and Honor!"

Puppy

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I have screwed-up my lfe. If I had been nice to W, I would probably still be living in the house until the final decree.

Dan, I know you're hurting, but this just doesn't make any sense. You can't "nice" your way out of a lawsuit, and appeasement does NOT work (sorry for all the WWII analogies, but see "Chamberlain, Neville" for reference).

Now, it IS true that if you begin to assert yourself, and stand up for your own boundaries, that you DO have to be even better prepared, but if you failed on that front, then just learn from it and commit to do better the next time.

The sad, scary truth about all this DBing crap is that -- by the time we get bombed -- you can't really affect 80-85% of it ANYWAY. A wayward is going to do what a wayward is going to do. All we can do is give ourselves the BEST shot at that 15-20%, for the best possible outcome, and if that doesn't work, at least we made ourselves stronger in the process.

Puppy

[bluestar]

Dan, I know this feels like a setback, but like some have already said, you have more power here. You just have to tap into it. You were most likely going to be ordered out of the houes no matter what you did. It's just standard D fare.

I think that this will be a wake up call for your W. She is not going to have the benefit of you being there 24 hrs a day. She'll get a real taste of being a single parent. It's not easy.

You should put on a happy face at home no matter what. Do not talk to your W. Make her think that this is not bothering you. Until you feel like you are more in control of your emotions, do not talk to her. Avoid her if you have to. Explain to your kids what is happening and reassure them that you love them no matter where you live.

I think that you did the best you could in the time you had. You fight the rest in mediation. You will recover. This is a temporary bump in the road.

(((Danf)))

[DanF]

If DBing is going to work for me, it is likely going to have to be after the D is final, because she is just stone cold no emotions. I suppose moving out will help on this front too. At least I won't have to see her every day.

I think I have probably moved on from W most of the way, now I am afraid for my future standard of living and that of my kids. We are all going to take a serious hit with an extra $2k in living expenses going out the door. Even if W goes back to work full-time, that only covers about 1/2.

I have to remember that this is only temporary. This is probably rock bottom, right? It has to be. Need to pull my [censored] together and get back to work at work and calculating every possible financial scenario.

Going back to see the Dr. tomorrow. Maybe I need to get some more of those anti-anxiety pills. I haven't taken any in a long time, until this morning.

Thanks everyone for your support.

[Ready2Change]

Hi Dan,

It all comes down to intention. Set your intention and do not worry about the "HOW"....

"I intend on having 50/50 custody of my kids" is the intention.

What happened in the past is done. Let it go.

Focus your energy on NOW and reaching your goals.

Goal 1, New home for you and kids:
You will be able to spin your "temporary parenting agreement". "I needed to setup a new household. I have done that. I am now setup to parent 50/50."

Get 50% of the kids clothes to new place. Get 50% of kids things to new place. Buy new beds. Let them pick them out....

Use these words when speaking to others:
"That doesn't work for me"
"I have decided ...."
"I understand you feel that way"