The other morning he asked if I wanted to talk about R and I said no, I need to get ready for work. That was a new one, in the past I would have ended up in tears and made us both late for work. I am in a 12-step program which gives me plenty of excuses to leave the house and reminds me I can only change myself, and four kids to keep me busy running errands, the acting happy and carefree, that's the challenge.
I got the degree by giving myself permission to take the classes, study, and do projects rather than focus on the house and family all the time, so that was one day at a time, right now I have to focus on smaller bits, like going for a walk or reading a book or going out to dinner with a girlfriend. I plan on taking a lot of walks on vacation, taking a lot of photographs, and doing fun things with the kids...maybe buy myself something nice. I know I can do this.
He's been telling me I am strong and I can do it with or without him, but I also know he was saying that mostly to assuage his guilt. Oh and first he said it was everything but our relationship...the ex, finances, his personal crisis, but I see it really doesn't matter what he says, it's what he actually brings to the marriage. Love is an action word.
M: 49 H: 51 Together since 11/2006 Married 8/2008 D: 16, 15, 12 Step S: 10 Bomb drop: 6/20/10 H Very unhappy and confused but staying and doing the work for now.
