BG I'm so sorry for you. Do you have family and friends (other than the one who ditched you) nearby?
It's hard to focus, but you have to find something to keep you strong when it gets rough. Your daughter needs a strong, confident mother to raise her. You have every right to be angry too, and you don't have to accept what he has done. I would read the thread on boundaries, even if they lead to him leaving the house and you having to pay the mortgage yourself.
Your daughter needs a safe, healthy environment, and you do too!
Take one day at a time, and as much as I hate to do it, it's okay to cry. Holding in so much hurt and pain is impossible; you're not weak for crying, nor for being angry. I'd say you have a righteous justification for being angry.
Oh, and about wanting to bang the first person you could. That's completely normal; just don't do it... It really won't make you feel better, and most likely will make you feel worse.
Hi again.....well I think this must be the final thing that could happen...My H lost his job today. So it is finally over. I don't think that he can sink any lower. I have to hope this is his rock bottom but I suppose there are more things that could happen. Any suggestions on how much worse it could get?
I am feeling numb. I am not upset; I am not crying. I think I should be doing these things but I actually barely even care about the whole thing anymore. It is just so exhausting.
I had a bit of a fit tonight. I had planned to go see a movie (Salt) by myself. I just need to get out and do things on my own for a couple of hours. my mom came down to watch my D and then she decided not to go to sleep. I can't keep her in her crib anymore because she can just climb out.
I just ended up losing it and screaming at my mom to go home and having to take my D up to my room and sleep with her until she fell asleep. She was asleep and in her crib by 5-10 min after sleeping in my room.
i feel so tied down and trapped....like a prisoner in my own home. It sucks because I shouldn't feel like that and i should want to be with my D every waking minute.
M=42 H=51 Common-law 6yr Children: 11yr old daughter (previous marrIage) 6yr old son Bomb dropped January 2013
I have understood your frustration and I'm sure your mom understand that you are lashing out at her due to your circumstances.
I'm happy tohear you have a support system, I wish I had one but with both parents dead makes it a little difficult.
There are times when i feel i do not get a free moment, honnestly i don't, with 2 kids under 3, they eat, sleep, potty, shower, we do everything together.
keep trying each day, maybe plan an outing for you during the day if possible so you hav eless stress when kidos does not have to go to bed. In the past i also had to wait long after d was asleep to escape, well that was prior to my s.
when i start feeling like a prisoner with no car no phone i take the kids in our jogger and get out even if it's 110 degrees.
it's ok to not want to be with your d every single second of the day/night
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
I am usually so level headed and I love being with my D so to feel this way now is so unusual for me and I am feeling so guilty about it. It is just hard b/c I am essentially a single parent at this point b/c the H just comes and goes as he pleases and if I am around there is 0 help with our D from his end. I know that i need breaks b/c it is not healthy for my D. i am becoming so impatient with her and feel like all i do now is yell at her. It is not fair to her or right. I actually said to my mother yesterday that perhaps I shouldn't be her mother anymore b/c I feel like i am not good enough for her and I am so worried that i am scarring her for life.
Children are like sponges and what happens now will likely shape who they become. I obviously don't want to give up my daughter but I can't help but feeling like I am not the best for her right now.
M=42 H=51 Common-law 6yr Children: 11yr old daughter (previous marrIage) 6yr old son Bomb dropped January 2013
Have you ever noticed how people in 3rd world nations do not go thru mid life crisis? They are too busy worrying about a place to sleep or their next meal to go and "find themselves", etc.
Your H losing his job has placed livelihood and food on the table higher up on the priority list than it was before he lost his job. Even your R will take a back seat to starving. I would take this as an opportunity to work together as a team to overcome no income.
I have 20 years in the military. When we first joined we are placed together with people from different walks of life and prejudices. All that was forgotten when a drill instructor yells and spit hits your face. All we could think about as a group was self preservation. All walks of life bonded because we HAD to. Same principle.
Last edited by Chuck66; 08/04/1003:57 PM.
Me 44, W 39, S 6, D 6, M 21 Bomb June 18, 2010 I filed D July 20, 2010 W filed counter suit Aug 2 Rings came off Aug 5, 2010
You are a good mom. It's normal to get hyperstressed like you are, especially with a flake of a H. You need breaks, so don't feel like you should be spending every waking minute with your D. That's unhealthy for both of you.
Yes, what you do now will shape your daughter. Your love is shaping her every day. Kids are resilient, especially at your D's age. Give her as much love as you can, and rely upon family and friends to help as well.
Okay so I said that it was rock bottom and couldn't get any worse.....drum roll please........
Guess what he is doing now!!?????
He has an affair with an employee from work, destroys our marriage, destroys my daughter's life, gambles money that he doesn't have, loses his job and what does he do??????
Well isn't it what anyone would do if they had done all of this?
GO ON VACATION!!
And where pre-tell would someone go who had been a cheating, lying, gambling bastrd???
Where all the gambling, lying, cheating bstrds go...... LAS VEGAS of course!!!!!
He was supposed to be seeing a lawyer yesterday and now he tells me August 12. He is stalling on getting things overwith in this marriage and making my life a living hell.
He continues to live in our house, walking in at 6-7am in the morning, sleeping until 12-1pm and then gone until the next am. I am getting so sick of this.
I just feel complete anger now towards him. On top of all of this he seems to think that although he has "done wrong" I should still respect him! RESPECT????? RESPECT IS SOMETHING THAT IS EARNED!!! What sort of respect should I have for him? It is pathetic.
Ofcourse he is also blaming me for him being fired from his job. He is convinced that i contacted his work and told them about the affair with the employee and told them to pull his phone records. He must be clinically insane. Obviously this is the last thing that I would do b/c I need him to pay for our D. As much as I would have revelled in the revenge of doing this I did not do it. He has actually gone to the point of telling me that I am so smart and that I had planned this with my family and councellor....basically I went and got a lawyer and then waited a bit and then called his work and got him fired so that now he would have to make a decision about what to do.....
He can't afford 2 lawyers so he is faced with the decision of just walk away from the marriage and agree to all my terms and not get himself a lawyer for that and then get a lawyer to save his job Or don't save his job and accept what has happened and get a lawyer and take me for everything that I have or at least get what he feels entitled to or what he is entitled to.
He really is crazier than I thought. I can't believe that he would think that I am sitting around w my councellor scheming and planning on how to screw him. Just b/c that is what he has done to me does not mean that I go around doing the same.
It is truly insane! I think I should copy all of my posts and turn this into a book or movie script. I am living a movie or a soap opera. I am almost finding it hard pressed to find someone that has been through something this insane. But I am sure there is someone else out there.
The only thing good is that I won't have to see him for a few days and I won't have to hide my cell phone, rings and D's passport. It will be nice not having to look over my shoulder for a few days.
M=42 H=51 Common-law 6yr Children: 11yr old daughter (previous marrIage) 6yr old son Bomb dropped January 2013
Focus on yourself. Use the next few days while he's gone to catch your breath.
Walkaways are crazy. Their brains don't work normally, and he's reflexively blaming you for all his mistakes. Detach from that crap. He's been using you for a long time, and he's good at pulling your strings. Now he's using different strings. Time to get out the scissors and see if Pinochio can really walk by himself.
you have done and seen many things, i tell ya get some protection for you and your daughter. remember it does not matter if it makes him mad or angry.
in my 1st d, my h and i shared a home, he moved out to his mothers but the care of our daughter was in our home.
a judge ordered what rooms he could go in and which ones he could not, told me to put a lock on my bedroom and h could access to other parst of the home
your h needs a swift kick in his pants to see what reality is., take pictures of all your belongings with a dated camera, let him blame you because he is in denial about accepting responsibility for his actions, another sign of maturity.
if i gave you my h's phone number pass it on to your h, i think they would hit it off tremendously. my h would go on vacationw ith him, with no car insurance, my a/c out, no health insurance on kids, no phone or car for me. they are a match made in he%$
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
Any joint money you can touch is marital property. If you can touch it file the D yourself. Filing for a D doesn't mean you don't have options later on, to take him back or cut him loose, but it will be your choice. Espcially if you file. If things ever turn out for the better you can always pull your D paperwork. Something you could not do if he filed.
Sometimes filing a D wakes them up sometimes not. Sometimes they have done too much harm and filing a D is not a way to get them back but for you to get to a healthy place. Either way, let a few days flow by to get your emotions in check. The fewer conversations with them the better. Make yourself so BUSY that you don't even have time to talk. Step back, re-group, re-attack. Right now you need to go find a distraction. Go to a movie, go take a walk at a park, go DO SOMETHING.
I sometimes find myself on this site too much and need to get a way. Staying on here all day is no way to GAL. Good luck!
Me 44, W 39, S 6, D 6, M 21 Bomb June 18, 2010 I filed D July 20, 2010 W filed counter suit Aug 2 Rings came off Aug 5, 2010
It really won't make you feel better, and most likely will make you feel worse.