You are a good mom. It's normal to get hyperstressed like you are, especially with a flake of a H. You need breaks, so don't feel like you should be spending every waking minute with your D. That's unhealthy for both of you.
Yes, what you do now will shape your daughter. Your love is shaping her every day. Kids are resilient, especially at your D's age. Give her as much love as you can, and rely upon family and friends to help as well.
