Beyond Depression..but still a losing battle?

[Lucky11too]

That’s exactly it. That’s what I struggle with. I don’t want to be naïve, but it seems like more of an issue with boundaries than a full out affair. It’s definitely inappropriate when you’re married (or even just in a serious relationship if he doesn’t want to classified us as “married” right now) to have that kind of R with another of the opposite sex. While they text all the time (or at least used to since I can’t check anymore), I don’t even know if it goes beyond that. I know a lot about his schedule – he works nights Sat thru Tues and Monday and Friday days. He spends the weekends with me and often is around Weds or Thurs for his nights off (or was doing those things until I cut him off) and then comes down to see S once or twice during the week during the day. So at the most, he would only be able to spend one or two nights a week with her or super short day times. Plus since he still wants to be intimate with me and seemingly only me, that’s a good sign against a PA. So I just don’t know what to think. It’s obviously not something I’m ok with or can live with if he wants to reconcile, but do I let it go for now? I feel like I’m getting to a point in the next month or two where I need to say that something needs to happen – either we need to go to MC or we need to move on with our lives and D. If we can get to MC, I think that would be a perfect place to discuss boundaries and appropriate R’s with OW’s. A lot should be coming to head in the next few months – H’s lease is up at the end of October, he’s most like getting this new bar (so he “can make his own money”), and with the sleep study and other possible methods of help, there’s definitely a lot of decisions to be made. Honestly, do you think I’m just being super naïve here?

But you’re exactly right – the biggest thing I need to do here is consistency. I am sending a very mixed message and losing my credibility…but the only problem is, I don’t know which road is the right road right now… Obviously the cheerleader stance is working and keeps drawing H to me, but if OW3 is still in the pic, does that even matter? Going dark didn’t really seem to have an effect on H (besides making him block the phone records from me), but maybe I just didn’t give it enough time. Grr. I just don’t know what to do. Maybe I could just give him a blanket statement without having to get into it and nagging him saying “I assume since you’re here and hanging out with me that OW3 is not longer in the picture. If that is not the case, please leave”. Or something like that where I’m not accusing him (“you’re still talking to OW3!”), or nagging at him, but instead gives him the opportunity to be honest with me. Obviously he could lie and I can’t check, but it would buy me some time to get keep drawing him to me and get thru some of these mile stones without having to “give in” to OW3. H would think he was playing me but really, I would be playing him.

Arrrggg. I just don’t know what to do. I feel so close yet so far from any chance of resolution with H… =/