Wow guys!! We went to the new MC, and he is a MC this time..the other guy was an IC and he was very good too, but this guy deals specifically in Marriage. He has a PHD in psychology and teaches it at the local state college. He also has his own practice. He's an older guy and very intelligent and he is SO NICE. We were there for 2 hours. He started talking about how we learn to handle conflict when we are kids (watching our parents and other big people and how they handle confilict)and how that comes back to haunt us as adults before we learn new skills. Because kids handle conflict very differently than mature adults. He purposely didn't even bring up any of our specific problems at all and he actually did most of the talking..he asked us lots of questions about how long we've been together, what our childhood was like, and explained how two people can resolve conflict if they use reason and intelligence to do it. My H loved him..and so do I. We both felt very comfortable with him and we will be going back as soon as we can get in. This MC seems to be pretty popular as far as appts go. The MC told us not to talk about anything that we discussed at the session until Wed (today), so we could both digest what what we talked about. Of course we did talk about it a little but not much and so tonight I hope we'll be able to sit down and talk about it.
My H is trying. I can see that. He seems more relaxed and in the moment, with me. He will talk about things I bring up and offer his comments. He's leaving me little notes and calls me during the day or texts to say hi. He seems much happier too. I'm still applying for jobs but feel like I can breathe again. Didn't realize I was holding my breath for so long. We are definately NOT out of the woods yet, but at least we're walking..instead of standing around wondering which direction to go.
I am still going to the church to light my candles, and I feel that God is hearing my prayers. He led me to this new MC and that was a big deal. I bought some new clothes and continue to lose weight, so that makes me feel pretty good about me. I'm also exercising every day and have started reading my fiction books again. I have been corresponding with my family and friends more now..and we talk about FUN things instead of all this divorce crap.
All in all, things seem to be looking up. But like you all mentioned, I am not assuming that this will be easy or will even work out in the end. I am doing what I can to help us be successful and that's really all I can do, besides tend to myself.
I do have one question for all you guys..especially the guys..how do you deal with a person that is resentful? My H told the MC that he is a resentful person and always has been. I actually had to look up what it meant because I'm not like that at all. I mean of course I get pissed sometimes, but I don't hold grudges or let it effect my relationships or personality. So, how do I learn more about resentment and how to live with someone who is that way? Oh, BTW, the MC also is helping us to learn to tell each other things that are hard to say to each other so that we don't get defensive about it.
