Looking for help with WAW

[mza8]

I told her that she was right in her thinking two weeks ago that I had changed. I told her that she only sees the part of me with her and I dealing with these difficult issues. She doesn’t see me every day and the person I have become. I told her that everything I had been saying to her for the past two weeks is true, the real me. By this time she had calmed down. She listened and we talked for a bit longer. She had to go to a meeting at work so we ended the call on good terms and I said I would get the revised agreement to her and we would figure out a time to sign it.

Later that day she emailed our previous agent and told her to remove her sign from the property. She never mentioned anything to the agent that I was going to list the house now or anything. She gave this agent no explanation. I couldn’t believe it. Something interesting though, she did sign that email with her married last name. Weird because she had only been signing her emails with her first name only. First time in over 9 months that I have seen her sign anything with her married last name. Why sign it with anything but her first name? Not going to try to figure that one out. Maybe it means something, maybe it doesn’t. I felt bad for the agent though but I would get a chance to speak with her later by phone and I explained the situation that I was going to list the house.

From our meeting last night it’s crystal clear to me that she is stressed about the house. I really believe that right now she’s unable to focus/try anything with M until the house is sold. She got herself worked up a few times when I was explaining the paperwork for the listing to her. There was information that we had to fill out and she started to stress herself out and said she didn’t know the information needed. I was very calm and told her not to worry that I would take care of it. I asked her what else I can do to help her. She also made a comment about the past agent. She was upset with the agent that she didn’t communicate with her at the end. This was strange because my W never communicated with the agent during the three months the house was listed. I think it goes to show the state my W’s mind is in right now.


W and I emailed several more times between Monday and yesterday. She signed everyone of her emails to me with her shorter first name rather than her full first name…her first name I always called her by. She signed her emails to me with a thanks or thank you. We met last night at the house to sign the agreement and the paperwork to list the house. I had to get our neighbor to witness the agreement. All three of us talked for awhile. I was charming and funny. I could see my W watching me the whole time. I saw her smile at me a lot. Our neighbor left and my W and I finished the paperwork. Every time I looked at her she would smile at me. If I grinned she would smile, if she smiled I would smile. A few times we looked at each other and smiled and then chuckled a bit for no real reason. She asked me several times what the look was on my face. I finally said, what look? She said it wasn’t a bad look or anything. I just said I didn’t realize I was making a look. She just smiled again. It was very relaxed. We looked into each other’s eyes several times and it would cause us both to smile at each other. I was dressed very nice, sport coat, etc. and wore cologne. She had on her workout clothes, no make-up. She was going to the gym after. Her hair is still thin and she had some acne on her face again. She gets this way when she is stressed.

We finished the paperwork and I told her to have a good night. She wished me the same. Then both of us just kind of stood there for a minute and neither one of us did anything to leave. I said ok I’ll take care of the house listing and contact her later. She said ok and we both wished each other a good night again. She still didn’t leave and stood there looking down with her arms crossed to her chest holding her paperwork. Then stupid me reminds her of my counseling appt. for today and said she is welcome to come but I understand and respect her decision if she doesn’t. I just wanted to extend the invitation. She thanked me for the invitation and said she couldn’t today because of work. She thought about it for a minute and then said she would have to think about it for awhile about going…I’m guessing she meant about going in the future or when/if she was ready. She looked down, nodded her head up and down and repeated herself that she would need to think about it. She paused for a minute and then said that she thinks we want to go for different reasons. Ugh, she still brings this up. I think she does it as a security blanket for herself. I know that when we talked on Monday and she was very upset, she mentioned that this October she could file. I am now convinced that she only brings up October when she feels that I push her. Anyway, I didn’t take the bait about her saying she thinks we want to go to counseling for different reasons. I told her that we could go for any reason and just talk. No pressure. I didn’t push the subject, just dropped it and with a smile on my face I said to have a good night again and she looked me in the eye and told me the same and left.

Overall I think the past few days have been somewhat positive. I thought our meeting last night went well even though she still had to mention about our reasons for going to counseling maybe being different. That’s fine, she’s not ready. I only reminded her about the appointment because my counselor thought I should. I didn’t go into the meeting with any expectations and I wasn’t sad or depressed after. I thought it went pretty well.