I am new to these posts, and have just read the DB book. Began implementing some 180s but am having a lot of anxiety about letting H go. Found out about EA a month and a half go and have been crazed and out of control. I finally feel like I am gaining some control over my behavior, but it is very uncomfortable. I can see how my behavior was pushing him further away. Resisting the urge to talk about R. H says he has no new insights or things to say, and I realize that hearing once again how he isn't sure if he can stay or how confused he feels is only going to cause me more pain. Still I feel a lot of fear setting him free and not trying to persuade him to stay. I have to remember that he vowed to give up the EA and do this as fairly and thoroughly as possible. Each of us are in IC and MC together. As long as we are both working on ourselves I think things will change, but I am in a very tough spot emotionally today and need all of the support I can get to not indulge in counterproductive behavior. Day three of looking for 180 behaviors to do, and have held on so far, but feel myself slipping internally (if that makes sense). Trying so hard to not take this personally, but it's been devastating to my ego and I feel really vulnerable and needy. I realize that he has nothing to offer me right now and at first I was angry, because I thought my H should be there for me less than two years in to our marriage, but the fact is, he's not. No matter how sorry he feels he still needs to get to a place where he can be a stand up H and step dad, I really am not willing to settle for any less, even though I feel like I would take any crumbs today. I need to preserve my self respect.
