I think all of our 'issues' are based on unresolved issues - or at least a lack of looking at our programming and changing the dysfunctional code. I think we go either way in the R we end up in. If a parent is controlling you either go into a R where you are the controlling one or where you are controlled. Never a healthy R. Until you resolve the internal damage which was done earlier in life.
True. And, even harder than breaking free from our own "patterns and tendencies" (I'd appreciate any reference/help material on this) is we have to be aware of our that our prospective partners will either exhibit their tendencies or 'slide' into them as they get comfortable and/or complacent in the new R with us. Then it may becoe our problem as well to assist them out of it. Steady-do you believe our boundaries will help prevent us becoming victims to their unresolved issues?
Originally Posted By: Steady
I know I am no longer a doormat. I have learned to draw boundaries. I have learned and am living a transparent life where I can show the authentic me rather than 'hiding' it - both the good and bad sides of me. The real me IS good enough. I know I learned all these behavior mechanisms to cope with my R with my mom
I'll take all the advice/books on this evolution, too. I'm not sure that there is enough "work" in 'NM Mr Nice Guy' to resolve it. I was doormat for sure. Work and home. Aiming for a perfect M (conflict free=perfect- I know, MY definition), I just kept backing down/backing off to prevent conflict. How's that strategy working now, CD?
