New Game- Exposed

[steady]

Truegritter,

I saw this soon after my W dropped the bomb. I woke up and could see very clearly I had fallen asleep. Until I met my W I was centered on internal observation and finding my shortcomings and things I needed to change. I had been doing that from 23 until I got married at 36. Unfortunately I slowly began to drift from this path and lost hold of my center. I say it's my center because human psychology and change is my passion.

My mother's mom came over from Germany and she was very strict and super controlling. That's how my mom was raised. The effects were then passed down to us.

A great book to read is - "Actually, It is Your Parents Fault." Talks all about learning from your role models as kids and then taking that into your adult life and relationships. I knew this even before I got married but was overwhelmed with the effects of our issues coming together and basically 'fell asleep'. That's the kicker for me.

How much of our experience is based in that unresloved issue?

Honestly, I think all of our 'issues' are based on unresolved issues - or at least a lack of looking at our programming and changing the dysfunctional code.

I think we go either way in the R we end up in. If a parent is controlling you either go into a R where you are the controlling one or where you are controlled. Never a healthy R. Until you resolve the internal damage which was done earlier in life.

I know I am no longer a doormat. I have learned to draw boundaries. I have learned and am living a transparent life where I can show the authentic me rather than 'hiding' it - both the good and bad sides of me. The real me IS good enough. I know I learned all these behavior mechanisms to cope with my R with my mom. It's so obvious. Even 'No More Mr Nice Guy' points them out in very clear language.

Makes you wonder about your mom - choosing to stay friends with a woman who had 3 affairs and humiliated her son. Amazing isn't it?