Seeking some insight

[Crushed in KY]

I've been reading these forums several times a day since I found out about my wife's affair.

I need some input.

We were married 10 years in May. I found out in June she was seeing someone else (I found a number I didn't recognize on the cell phone bill). Since that time I have gotten the "I love you but I'm not in love with you speech, The you and I were never meant to be together and I can't figure out why I ever married you speech, the It's not you it's me speech, the he can't hold a candle to you speech, the He's everything your not speech, and the I've felt this way about our marriage for a long time speech.

She as also stated that she never wanted to be a wife and mother and that she had considered aborting our first born and taking the morning after pill when she thought she may be pregnant with our last born. We have 4 beautiful children ages 2,5,7 and 8. She also has a 15 year old from a prior relationship who doesn't live with us.

In conversations and from researching this guy who is 23, (my wife is 35) he has a history and its not a good one. He's a convicted felon, has a recent drug arrest and is tied up in the manufacturing of Meth. He doesn't work, doesn't have a place to live often staying with friends and relatives and apparently has no desire to make any sort of change.

The kick in the teeth is I have been in Law Enforcement 25 years. I put jerks like this in jail the last thing I ever expected and never saw coming was this. To say I was blindsided is an understatement.

She has told me she wants out and that she plans to leave but would come back to watch the kids when I had to work, I refused this because she left once for 8 days after I found this guys wallet in my truck and she couldn't explain how it got there. She left but would come in the evenings to "get the kids settled" the only problem was once she left they were upset. I can't see doing that to them all over again. I feel we have all put up with enough of that from her and I told her that if she leaves again she should stay gone and that she shouldn't expect to come in and be a part time parent.

The problem is I still love my wife and I had hoped she would get her act together and we could work this out. She has seen a therapist once and is due to go again tomorrow. The problem is he doesn't want to see me with her or by myself yet so I don't know how forthcoming she has been with him.

I'm open for suggestions.