How To Tell The Kids

[Ready2Change]

... If you haven't already done so, consult with one or two other L's- it's often free- and have all your numbers and papers with you when you go. Do this now, like in the next 24 hours. If you need to take some time off of work then do it. Nothing is more important now....

Very wise words.

...I've heard it's pretty hard to change even the temporary orders (it can be done) but you should get it the way you want it now, not try to fight it later when it's already established... The longer those temp orders stay in place and work, I think the harder to fight them later.

My lawyer said temp orders are testing grounds....It is very important to set precedence NOW!!!!!

"Lawyer, I decided that the temp orders do not work for me. I am currently a full time parent and am not going to be a weekend dad. What can you do for me?"

... I would strongly question that with other L's.

YES very wise advise.

Again, please see at least one other L. It is much easier to get this stuff upfront than to fight to change it later. I'm not a L, but I've talked to several and know a lot of people getting D'd and I would not put money on it being easy to change later.

More wise advise....

You're fighting for your kids now and even if you hadn't planned to use that or "fight dirty", she's left you no choice....Really, I would not move out with that visitation schedule in place- fight for 50% NOW....

I AGREE.

DO NOT LET FEAR CONTROL YOU. Do the right thing.

We are here for you.

[DanF]

Dan,

I would like to strongly recommend that you by a DAYTIMER or similar and write down significant parenting events. IE Days you get the kids during her time. Days the kids were sent someplace else without you being offer FRR...It will be good reference for future court events that helps gain prove your case.....

I have done this and have been tracking since early June. I'm hoping we can agree in mediation.

[Kelly23]

Hi Dan,
I do not often post, just read, but had to chime in here....

"I talked to W briefly today about the vacation $ and mentioned that this is going to ruin both of us financially. She again said that this isn't about the $, so maybe she will be reasonable. Who knows."

I know! She is not being reasonable.....why should she be worried about finances? She just screwed you over big time!!! Of course it is not about the money, she doesn't have any money...you are the only one that has money to worry about.

She is playing you like a fiddle....if court was not proof, you must be blind. Get your crap together. Stop taling to her AT ALL until the next court date.

[Espr444]

Hey Dan,
Sorry didnt get on here much today with work and class, but I'm sorry to here what happened today. If your not happy with your L or just want another opion please get one.

I hope that everything goes well about the kids. I mean despite all the crap we go through durring the D process it all comes down to what is best for the kids; no mater how we feel about each. I hope and wish you the best for you. My thoughts and prayers go to you. Hope

[DanF]

We have to go to mediation next to try to settle this on our own We will have to talk and if we can't agree, the we go back to court.

I feel like not talking to her and being tough is what ended-up getting me out of the house. W was prepared to live together until the end of the D proceedings until I started to play hardball with the money and stopped talking to her. Now I am f'd and have to find a new place to live.

Got an appraiser coming to the house on Thursday to get an approximate home value, but nothing is selling. Have to figure out what is going on with the house before anything else can be done. No equity, but we own it. If we have to sell, both of us will likely be renting and it will be difficult to save up a decent downpayment. Will have to heat ramen noodles and hot dogs again.

I did put all the financials together for my L, but with W working part-time for 11 years, she said they wouldn't make her go back right away and that costs me extra. Then L freaked-out about the commissioner being too old fashioned and said to settle for temporary order. Will fight this in mediation and next court date if necessary.

W seems to believe that I will get 50% placement/custody. This is what everyone is telling her will happen.

L doesn't think the Judge (not commissioner) will be impressed by their agruments and wants to fight it there if necessary. She is supposed to be very good and I am paying her for her advice, so I took it.

I guess I will talk to another L and see what their opinion of the situation is. W's L said this will be over by the end of the year and maybe by Oct if we can agree. If not, court before year-end.

[DanF]

Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and support. It really does mean a lot to me that so many strangers out there are willing to invest their time and effort in my situation. I even got a personal texts and talked with one of you today. That really meant a lot.

Not sure if I mentioned this or not, but my L said that she saw this court commissioner order supervised visits only for a mother who was recorded yelling at her kids and using the F-word. that is why she was so paranoid about the porn conversation. Better to lose this battle, but win the war in the end maybe? This woman has worked here for a long time and is supposed to know these things. Maybe she is a better litigator than a detialed numbers person.

A couple of guys at work rent houses and I have already talked to one of them. He may have a line on a nice place for me while his friend is trying to sell it. The other guy has an affordable place in town that is not too far from school, but neither are walkable. I live in a pretty rural area and there aren't a lot of nice options close to the school that I will be able to afford in the interim. Most are for sale only, not for rent.

I'm still hoping to be able to remain in the house when all is said and done, but I still have to figure out those financials. My atty told me NOT to do this before today's court date, so I didn't, but I think I should have.

Sorry to let you all down, but I have to remember that this is only temporary. I still think I can get a decent deal in the end with the other judge.

[DanF]

Sorry, just wallowing in my despair I guess. I will find a decent place to live.

[Espr444]

Hey I think getting another opinion is great!! I know all this sh** sucks, but think of your kids!! It seems to help me when things are bleak and I think of my S. Welll hang in there and keep your head up.

[Espr444]

Hey I hate my apart.but its close to the house and my S. Dont get me wrong it's not a bad place it's just not my home, but S seems to like it.

[Jstar]

listening to the fathers on here, you could teach some of us who had our h's walk out on us when we were pregnant, and continue to stay away.

Hope you are taking a great attitude about living close to the house and near your son, that is what is ultimately important.

i should be a blubbering mess, but taking the attitude of it is what it is. my 1st x is still diggin it to me. our daughter graduated high school and is 18, i pay child support and at times fell behind. now that she is majority, he still wants to collect, when he makes an extremely handsome amount of money.

for him it's not about doing a good thing while i'm struggling to make it with 2 kids under 3, men don't be like that, please.

be very careful about when it comes down to what to ask for adn what the judge orders. i can not stand some stranger some 12 years ago decided who my daughter should live with,...