The time for "shock" is long since over, buddy. You had 24... 72 hours? Hell, almost two WEEKS to be in shock? It's time to get detached, researched up, LAWYERED up, and put on the male version of what Greek calls "Big Girl Panties." You're not doing your son and daughter any good by being in shock. Suck it up, rub some dirt on it, and get up off your ass and get to work.
It's way past time for Papabear to make his appearance.
Thanks Pin/Puppy! The 2x4 was needed! I talked to wife after I saw my kids on Skype. She wanted to talk about the divorce and the list, and what I wanted her to ask the lawyer. I told her that I had to get my own lawyer and that she could ask the lawyer anything she wanted.
She got quiet about that and asked why? I told her that I didn't think things were going to go the way she envisioned them. I told her that I didn't think child support could be worked out amongst us, and that 50/50 custody is the norm in Georgia. Pretty much everything that she said that she was going to do "for me" I could get anyways.
With that being said, she is not asking anything about my retirement or the house. She said that it is in my name and she didn't want anything to do with it. So I do have that going for me I guess. She also said that she doesn't want any of the furniture either.
Then I think I put the fear in her by making her think that I might be coming home soon! She said that she needed to know these things so she could start looking for a place. I told her that she didn't have to do that, she was the mother of my kids, she could stay as long as she wanted!
She asked me what I was waiting for, and I told her that I was just waiting on some "info" to come back and then I would know for sure. She kept on asking, I kept on dodging, and then she told me that she knew I was hiding something but she guess she lost the right to know what it was. She then went on to ask me why. I told because I didn't want to hate her after this was said and done either. (this is what she told me when she first dropped the bomb) That I had to make sure that we were doing this for the right reasons.
Then she went on to tell me why she wanted this to happen so fast. She said that she had been around divorce (both parents multiple times) when it went bad and she didn't want that for us. And she knew how much she was hurting me, so she wanted to be fair about things and do right by me. But if I didn't think that we were doing this for the right reasons, she could turn into a bitch and only start worrying about her and the kids.
That pretty much sounded like if you don't give me this divorce fast, I will make your life a living hell, and you will not see the kids. Is that a threat? I think it was. If I don't hear from one the five freaking atty's I emailed by tommorrow, I am calling one and getting them on retainer then.
I can't beleive she went there. I back tracked a little with her to calm her down, but damn. I do not know this woman any longer, I truly don't. Pinhead, there will be snapping out of this one. I just want want this divorce, get my 50/50 paranting plan knocked out and in writing. I pray that child support wont kill me and will allow me to stay in my house for my kids, and that is about it.
She wants to stay in the house after the divorce is over until I get back. It would give me someone to look after it, but I will be charging her ass rent, that is for damn sure. Then to top it off, she wasn't wearing her freaking ring either. I guess I can ask for that in the list of stuff I want out of the house!
Well, that is my vent for the night folks, its my bedtime. Be nice to me, it was a terrible converstion.
Me:33 W: 31 M: 8 T: 13 S: 6 D: 8 months The Bomb 7/22/10 "I can't do this anymore, I'm done" http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2048765&page=1
Sounded like a threat to me, too. Screw that. She's not the only one driving the bus anymore.
Your position from now on? "Yeah, I guess we BOTH have a lot we can lose, huh. I guess we'll have to let the lawyers sort all that out."
Forget the e-mail, and PHONE 2-3 attorneys tomorrow. You will get SO much from a meeting with one of them!! It will COMPLETELY change your outlook, G8.
A friend of mine once said that you treat a divorce like a civil suit and leave emotion at the court house door. She said it was the best advice that she ever heard. My guess is that is how you"ll have to treat her. Good luck!
Thanks Gef, I am trying. I want this to be as "civil" as possible.
On a side note Puppy, a lawyer emailed me back! I am calling her in a couple of hours for my free consult. Hopefully I can get some good advice. One thing that I have not been able to find is a custody calculator for joint physical custody! I pride myself in my ability to find stuff on the internet and nothing. Well, I did find one for the state of NC, but nothing for Georgia. It is very frustrating!
Well, I will let you know what I get from the lawyer today. Wish me luck!
Me:33 W: 31 M: 8 T: 13 S: 6 D: 8 months The Bomb 7/22/10 "I can't do this anymore, I'm done" http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2048765&page=1
Thx Puppy, but I have been to all of those sites and their calculators. None of them take into account joiny physical custody, which should reduce the amount paid out. Some even tell you that they don't take this in consideration.
The North Carolina one I found is the best/only one that I have found that does this. Take a look....
Well, I talked to a lawyer yesterday. She pretty much explained to me what I already knew. Said that if the wife and I agreed on everything, then the best route was an uncontested divorce. Said that she couldn't really answer about child support without running through her package. Pretty much saying that I would have to pay for her services, then I would have all of the answers I needed.
I understand, it's a business. She recommended what I knew already, which was no matter if I use her, to always have someone go over the paperwork for me. Just to be safe. She was the only one, out of about a dozen, that got back to me, I probably will use her.
I asked about joint physical custody, and she said that if my wife agrees, then take it. She said that it is more common these days, but it is not the norm. That scares me a little bit.
I still feel like I am watching a movie while its fast forwarding. Things are just crazy. Then to top it off, the wife is still emailing about random [censored], commenting on my facebook page, and is being extremely nice. I try to keep myself off of her facebook page, but when she posts on mine, it pulls me there. That and she is always posting new pics of the kids, so I hop on there to steal them. I just don't get it. I'm not responding though, and I am trying to GAL. It's just kind of of hard to do over to be honest. Work is slow most days. The only thing outside of work for me to do is to go to the gym. I try to do that most days. Then it's just me and the internet. I have been reading a lot, the Amazon Kindle store has been my best friend out here. It does help to take my mind off of everything.
I still haven't been sleeping too well. It's been hard to fall asleep, and then my dreams wake me up at all times. It's hard to say if that has gotten any better. My mood has though. I am trying to stay positive, and I know its hard to do that if you are projecting negativity.
So long story short, I think I am inching forward. It's a start. My wife is going to see a lawyer today, (was supposed to see him Tuesday, but it got cancelled.) so maybe I will know more today.
D&C
Last edited by Dazed&Confused; 08/05/1007:25 AM.
Me:33 W: 31 M: 8 T: 13 S: 6 D: 8 months The Bomb 7/22/10 "I can't do this anymore, I'm done" http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2048765&page=1
PIck up the phone and get in to see a 2nd and perhaps a 3rd lawyer. I'm not impressed with this one; they should absolutely be able to tell you more about CS without retaining them! This is one of the most important "hires" you'll ever make in your life; would you hire an employee for an important position after interviewing just ONE??
Very typical for a wayward spouse to be nice to you while things are in the legal stage, esp. if they think you're not going to contest anything. Enjoy the breather while you can.
