See "NMMNG" Appeasing (esp women) Pleasing everyone but self Looking for "Nice Guy" validation from her Presumed "contract" (if I do x; you'll do Y) Passive Aggressive bhvr NOT asking for what I need/want "Collapsed" on her. Made her "center of universe" Sold my soul to keep her-surprised I got her (low self-image/esteem)
I'll add my experience to your list. All the above plus:
Grew up with a controlling and hyper-critical mother. Never could please her - she always had a complaint. Only one way to do things - her way. Follow in step all was fine, do something different and the battle was on. My W was exactly the same way.
Learned it was easier to hide behaviors mom may confront me on (just about everything) rather than just own who I am. Did the same thing with my W.
Had a very passive father. They would argue, my dad would retreat to the basement, gritting his teeth (never really stood up for himself with my mom). Mom would do the passive/aggressive and not talk to anyone for a few days. Then drop it and act like nothing ever happened.I followed my role model and carried that behavior into adult relationships.
My issues + my W's issues = throwing gasoline on the fire
Never talked about emotions or the issues. That pink elephant wasn't invisible, but no one talked about it.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
