"I don't know how to live without him"

BR, you do know how to live without him. And if you don't know that you know then you are about to find out.

Embrace where you are. Find out who you are. What you like.

Face your fears. Identify them and take them apart one by one.

No one can tell you for sure how to save your M. We can tell you
what has worked in some cases and that's where the 180s come in.

The more important thing is to save yourself and restore your self esteem. That starts with you. You are the only one who can do that .

Have you guys ever had counselling? How is he addressing his drinking problem?

Can't keep a good woman down