New here but learning slowly. Advice appreciated

[Albuquerque]

I would love to hear any reading suggestions. The book I left was Awakening at Midlife. I've also read Listening to Midlife and Finding Meaning in the second half of life (didn't like that one).

I don't hold any fantasies about this making him leave the OW or going through MLC any faster. My only purpose was to "perhaps" let him realize that what he's going through is not unique and that he's NOT crazy. He actually has referred to himself recently as crazy and is on Xanax for anxiety attacks which started at the beginnings of the full blown MLC. It appears to me (and obviously I'm biased) that unlike many men, he has been quite introspective about himself and his decisions. Doesn't mean he's been making good ones, but there ya go. I gained great comfort in knowing my situation was not unique and I was not alone. That was my only intention for him. I know it will still be a long, painful process for the both of us.

I'm working hard on detachment but it's tough at times. We recently went out to eat at a Chinese place with my D. When the fortune cookies were opened, it's always been our tradition (like most folks) to secretly add the words "in bed" to the end of your fortune. He opened his but didn't read it aloud and I didn't ask. But I saw it as he put it down and it said "Great pleasures await you in the near future" Much to my chagrin, he blatantly takes a picture of it with his phone while my D and I are chatting. No doubt to send to OW which he's gonna be seeing in about a week. That was tough to deal with and still be chatty and upbeat. But I did it.
I guess a question I would have for many of you is how to remain detached when still seeing H often. Like I said, he still comes over often to be with D when I work and/or takes her to his place. But then we often go out to eat. I want the situation to be as normal as possible for my D so I'm still cheerful and chatty. But I've stopped TALKING about myself to him. He doesn't seem interested in my day or my hobbies other than on a very superficial level, so I've stopped discussing that. So we end up discussing TV shows, internet sites, politics etc. And that works OK, but it's hard to detach from someone when I'm also supposed to make everything more normal for D. Am I doing this right? I go NC when I don't need him to help me with D and I've stopped texting/emailing/calling for anything except D or house issues. He'll still occasionally IM or text me chatty things. What's the right response in those cases. Respond normally? Respond vaguely? Delayed response? No response?