You're pursuing. I know it's hard, and I've done it far too much, even recently. But I think you're right that she's already decided, and is sending you mixed messages (the IDKs) because of fear and guilt etc.
You think the whole plan is bad? Or the map out schedule? At this point Im all in. Shes thinking things just happen, she thinks she is around, she is not. She needs to see that its a HUGE problem. Its one huge reason things are they way they are. Dr Phil and his wife wouldnt be "inlove" with 30mins a day. Plus my kids need a mom around more than I need a wife.
Oh, I think you're right in diagnosing what happened to your marriage, at least from your perspective. The problem is it ignores her perspective. Her perspective is she wants to leave.
If you follow the LRT, which really applies in your sitch, it makes you more attractive to her. It makes her realize what she'll be missing.
I wouldn't bring the chart to counseling. Just state what you think, when it's appropriate. Spend most of the time listening to her.
The problem is she wont be missing anything because she is never around. Im pretty much screwed. Im going to try to set it up to where she see this is a huge issue and the LTR and try to make myself not care.
She just called. She asked about how I came up with those numbers. I explained and she didnt disagree. I also said my mistakes were the foundation, your hours are the house and the affair was the roof. I said I dont care where we start but this house has got to come down. I think she sees the point, but to proud to say it. She said again I love you but its different. I said getting 30 mins a day will do that. I asked if everything I said made sense, she replied "I dont know". I wish I good erase those damn words forever. I guess Ill find out Thursday if she is still hanging around or not. I also told her that 65-70% of me expects her to pick the postion (job). I said you can do that and have the kids 1/2 the time at 42 mins a day or you can pick a 10 year marriage and full time kids. Its up to you. She said I got to go...LOL I left it at that.
She just left. She was mad my 4 year old was a sleep, I said he cant help it and neither can I, this is your schedule. I know Im doing stuff wrong but in my situation I dont think it matters. I asked tonight popping my head in the car after buckling up the kids,"there is no way your leaving those hours are you" she said not right now. That means nothing good so dont read into it, it means until a bigger position comes along. I told her Thursday at the apt she needs to get on board. Also said surely if you had your mind made up, you would say something? Again she said nothing. So unless she throws another crazy line out there Im not saying anything else. 1.) Becuase Ive said everything there is to say 2.) I could prove everything and it doesnt matter. She said she knows nothing and always said why would I put up with this sh?t if I was sure. It makes sense. My sister thinks she is worried Ill find someone else and she will change her mind, I dont think so. I dont know why she is holding on. She said yesterday also that she planed for more counseling after thursday...lol Im sure that changed today. Who knows, I just like to vent. I want it to work, I love her and my kids but I just choose not to be a door mat and take ALL the blame anymore. Im just making a situation to where she leaves the kids *when older* and family will know its all on her. Makes me feel some better.
Well, things are the same. I had to speak with her today about a situation with the kids. More and more issues are starting to come up with the kids. This is starting a take a toll on them. I founded out she bumped the kids be time back until 9pm. She didnt even talk it over, I thought that was odd. She was always strict on them getting in bed before, so they could do well in school. See when school starts she see the kids hardly at all becuase they are in school and she is working and they are a sleep when she gets off. She is scheduled til 9 but doesnt leave until 915-930 closing up and then its at 20min drive or so. I can see the oldest staying up he is 11 but not a K4 and 1st grader.
We go back to counseling tomorrow at 5pm. She was more on board 2 weeks ago saying she was 50/50 now she said more of her wants to get divorced. She is starting to see some issues with the kids but she is not seeing it like I am, becuase shes always working. I asked her on the last call, at the end, I said "do you not see how terrible this situation is with all of us" She said "yes" I said " Are you going to do anything to try and fix it" she said " I dont know". I hate the "I dont know" phase its all I hear.
The counsler was going to put some dates down on a calendar for us to map out a plan. He said that at the end of 2 weeks ago. He has been on vacation and its been 2 weeks since we seen him and it went to hell. Im taking the calendar in anyway and telling him we need a plan, even though its went south. Nothing happens just sitting and waiting, hearing IDK all the time. Nothing will change, he puts the plan together and she either follows it or not. Either way I got a answer and dont hear IDK. If everything is bad like shes acts, then what the heck is she waiting on? Why hang around?
