I should have had my attorney try the case this morning, but you are given all of this information and then forced to decide in 5 minutes. I went with my attorney's recommendation, but then she admitted later that she blew the money calculation that W's attorney provided. She says we have 14 days to go back to the court to get it adjusted and that she will talk to W's attorney about it. I told her that W's attorney won't change her mind because W need it to pay the household expenses.
I'm just breaking down for the first time since court right now.
In the meantime, while I am paying W to live here, I will have to find a crappy apartment to live in.
This order is only temporary. Which is another reason we should have fought it. She said that when this court commissioner heard the porn arguments, that he would go crazy. She once saw an atty play a tape of a mother yelling at her kids and using the F-word and required supervised visits. I guess that was the risk.
What I didn't think of in the 5 minutes that I was given was that we could appeal this commissioner's ruling to the real judge, on the case, so if it went badly, we could have done that. I don't think we could have done any worse than we did, actually.
For now, I get the kids on Wednesday nights and every other weekend. I do have the right of first refusal, as does she, when she cannot watch the kids.
They wanted to put my bonus in a trust fund to pay the debts, which I was planning to do anyway, but I told them I needed $ for the vacation that W made us keep. I asked for $2000, since the cabin costs $1,100 just to get started. W's attorney asked her and W said - only $1500. I asked her how the kids are going to have a weeks vacation on $400? She didn't have an answer. Maybe I should just cancel it and forfeit the deposit.
This is just a temporary order, so all hope is not lost. We now have to go to mediation to determine placement of the kids, which I will fight 50/50 for. We will also try to come to an agreement regarding child support and maintenance payments and this is where W working full time will come into play. If we can't come to an agreement, then we will go to the Judge. My atty says she doesn't think he will be impressed by the pornography argument and that we will get a much better $ settlement than today. There are hearings in Mid October where we will either agree, or not. If not, then they set-up a court date with the judge. I'm guessing there will probably be a hearing, but who knows.
I talked to W briefly today about the vacation $ and mentioned that this is going to ruin both of us financially. She again said that this isn't about the $, so maybe she will be reasonable. Who knows.
This is where I am at for now.....
Thanks to all for your continuing support and I guess it is time to truly move on now. I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive her for this.
I am so sorry to hear about the outcome of what happened in the hearing today.
Okay, DanF look at this as the worst case scenario, and it is. You know that at the moment. Now is the time to find the way to work with your current or a new attorney to try to make it better for you.
It is possible maybe your attorney is correct, and you will be able to improve on this. Communicate calmly about what happened and have her explain about the "correction" and what can be done to change this.
I will be checking on you!
Hang in there!!!
Last edited by LSG; 08/03/1007:55 PM.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
I feel that she got beaten badly by W's attorney today.
So is your thinking based on how you feel or facts? Sleep on it and come up with a list of questions for your L. Know what to expect when you are across the table from them next time. Be prepared.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I'm really sorry for your horrible day, but I'm kind of with Coach and Dday on this. This IS a business transaction at this point, sadly, and you have to "always be in the superior knowledge position," as my brother likes to say.
As for this:
Quote:
I talked to W briefly today about the vacation $ and mentioned that this is going to ruin both of us financially. She again said that this isn't about the $, so maybe she will be reasonable. Who knows.
YOU NEED TO CUT THIS KIND OF THINKING NOW, cuz this is what got you to this horrible place. YOUR WIFE, SADLY, IS YOUR ADVERSARY RIGHT NOW. There's a reason they put that little "v" between the names of the parties! These conversations have no place; you need to think of yourself as a JUDGE, and picture yourself saying to your wife "We really shouldn't be having this conversation right now, this is ex parte" (or whatever it is they call it.
I love ya, buddy, and AM PRAYING FOR YOU, but you need to lawyer up and self-research up. As the Good Book says, "There is wisdom in many counselors." I'm not sure if the breakdown is your atty or you or some combination, but I'd strongly advise strengthening at least ONE (if not both) links in that two-link chain before going in next time for permanent decisions.
I would like to strongly recommend that you by a DAYTIMER or similar and write down significant parenting events. IE Days you get the kids during her time. Days the kids were sent someplace else without you being offer FRR...It will be good reference for future court events that helps gain prove your case.....
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
First of all, it sounds like your W was ready to play hardball and your L was not. If you haven't already done so, consult with one or two other L's- it's often free- and have all your numbers and papers with you when you go. Do this now, like in the next 24 hours. If you need to take some time off of work then do it. Nothing is more important now. Not to get you down- but I've heard it's pretty hard to change even the temporary orders (it can be done) but you should get it the way you want it now, not try to fight it later when it's already established. As one L pointed out to me: "what's going to be your argument when either you've been getting by on this little money for months to ask for more, or when the custody is going well and your x hasn't done anything wrong, to take time with the kids away from them?" The longer those temp orders stay in place and work, I think the harder to fight them later.
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For now, I get the kids on Wednesday nights and every other weekend. I do have the right of first refusal, as does she, when she cannot watch the kids.
So, you're still living together but have a visitation schedule set up? Do you mean this starts in Sept? I can't imagine how they demanded and your L agreed for you to be out of the house in 1 month. I have never heard of this. I would strongly question that with other L's. And so why would you only have the kids this little if you want 50/50 custody? Why did you agree to this?? Again, unless she does something really bad with the kids between now and when you go back to change it, you will have to explain why she should have less time with the kids, and I don't know how easy that will be.
Quote:
They wanted to put my bonus in a trust fund to pay the debts, which I was planning to do anyway, but I told them I needed $ for the vacation that W made us keep. I asked for $2000, since the cabin costs $1,100 just to get started. W's attorney asked her and W said - only $1500. I asked her how the kids are going to have a weeks vacation on $400? She didn't have an answer. Maybe I should just cancel it and forfeit the deposit.
IMO- go on it. Like me, it may be awhile til you have another vacation- sorry, but that's reality. Go grocery shopping, do cookouts instead of going out (kids don't care), and make the most of it. In this midst of this sh!tty month, you will have a week away, which you need.
Quote:
This is just a temporary order, so all hope is not lost. We now have to go to mediation to determine placement of the kids, which I will fight 50/50 for. We will also try to come to an agreement regarding child support and maintenance payments and this is where W working full time will come into play. If we can't come to an agreement, then we will go to the Judge. My atty says she doesn't think he will be impressed by the pornography argument and that we will get a much better $ settlement than today. There are hearings in Mid October where we will either agree, or not. If not, then they set-up a court date with the judge. I'm guessing there will probably be a hearing, but who knows.
Again, please see at least one other L. It is much easier to get this stuff upfront than to fight to change it later. I'm not an L, but I've talked to several and know a lot of people getting D'd and I would not put money on it being easy to change later. If she's going to put out whatever it is about porn, I hope you have told your L about the A. You're fighting for your kids now and even if you hadn't planned to use that or "fight dirty", she's left you no choice. I just hope you guys can calm down and get through this without litigation so you can parent peacefully. This stuff is so poisonous.
Really, I would not move out with that visitation schedule in place- fight for 50% NOW.
