Believe me, I have my DR book tabbed and highlighted. As I said in my first post, I had made a lot of nono’s after the bomb dropped. However my limited wisdom did tell me to back off and let her do her thing. That’s when she started enjoying her freedom. Unfortunately I lost all that time sitting on my hands at home instead of working on myself and implementing some other techniques.
So, now to my faults.
I may see them totally differently than my W because we never communicated any of our problems until things got heated.
We met when I just finished divorcing my previous M. There was infidelity committed by my ex W. I was scarred and very insecure and paranoid because of that. I became too obsessive in my new relationship. That in turn made W turn out little white lies. That was easier than dealing with the truth and consequences.
I was also a bit lazy doing the household chores.
I was also a perfectionist that drove W nuts at times. I would not let her things that I knew I was better at. Not even booking a vacation. She called me all around controlling.
So here comes the sad part.
About 6 years ago she had enough and wanted to end the R. She finally told me truly what had been bugging her and I promised to change. She said that people never change and refused to work on the R. My limited wisdom told me that I need to let her go and agreed to give up my half of the house. So I sold it to her for $1. In turn she promised to pay me back my down payment of $20,000
The day I signed the papers was the best day of my life. She took me out to dinner and asked me to STAY. We had not spoken for weeks. The new beginning encouraged me to change. I changed everything except maybe the total spontaneous stuff. I don’t live by a schedule but need a little advance notice on certain things and events.
I became a chef, a cleaner, dog care taker while she was lounging on the couch. She never even went to the supermarket any more just gave me lists. I am not saying that she did not do her share but I had to do my half of her stuff and a full of my own.
She became more and more controlling of everything to the point that I just went along like a limp sausage. As her career took her to the higher clouds she grew her ego to unhealthy size and became narcissistic at times.
I often wonder whether the drastic role change made me boring to her, but I lost control so quickly and rapidly that I really could not figure out how to bring myself back.
So faults today are different than in the past. I fixed myself to her liking and now I don’t like myself.
Today is a very similar situation that I was in 6 years ago, but yet different. I have no control over the house and she has nothing to complain about. She has stated many times that I am close to perfect when it comes of being a “husband” but yet she does not see me as someone to be in love with.
Is there a paradox here? Did she create herself a man that is not what she wanted?
You see, I have a lot of work to do on myself. She fell in love with a different person with a few flaws. I can become that man again without the flaws. I guess I lost more personality that was needed.
