Today when he did it I said, "You know it upsets me when you give no response at all. It screams "GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU'RE ANNOYING!"." He said that's not true and walked off to go shave. I was upset. Being dismissed like that hurt just as much as the non-response. It is history repeated and sent me into a spin. He came back in and immediately told me that he was sorry, he likes it when I kiss him but not all the time. He feels smothered. I teared up but just said, "Ok." He then launched into the whole what's wrong? What did I do? Etc.. This led into me telling him that I am a very affectionate person and that is how I express my feelings.
You are reading rejection into what is merely a difference in love languages. It's okay to be a physical touch person, I am. But he obviously feels smothered by it, rather than the message of affection you are trying to convey. You are speaking different languages is all.
Then you go and get teary on him. Which always freaks guys out. So then he feels like he can't tell you things because you'll get upset no matter how he says it, thus the "what did I do wrong" issues. Which always leads to guys just not wanting to say what's on their mind because they don't feel there is a safe time and place to have these conversations.
Also, him walking away is not a rejection. Michele and a lot of other therapists talk about men "caving". Michele even says a problem with her and her husband is that when they fight, she wants to be hugged and he wants space. She says that the hardest thing for her to do is let him walk away and come back in his own time. But they both understand each other. So sometimes he makes himself give her a quick hug before he disappears, and she forces herself not to follow him and give him space. Then they work thru the issue when they have both had time to think and calm down.
And, as OT pointed out, you can still say those things.
You just need to find the right mode of communication. For something big, maybe e-mails and texts are better so you both have some time and space to read and think about what has been said without immediate pressure.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
