I could have called that in a heartbeat.. NEVER open the door when he's BANGING on it...
You need to get aggressive so he can see you mean business... You threatened to call the cops and he backed off.. THAT is what you NEED to do MORE of... I would have just CALLED the cops instead of threatening...
And I would have left the facebook post up too...
Peace bond, etc... I would call the police anyways so a report is on file that he showed up trying to take the PC and threatened you...
Get it on FILE.. NOW...
Even if its late you call the cops anyways.. they record every thing... you want to have a record on file that he visited... call the cops about it... let them take your complaint down
I am interested in hearing QS' confirmation here, but I suspect if you get the cops involved your H's military career again goes into serious question. His public profile is very important and so he's quite vulnerable there...
Facebook.. We can work on a post to put up again... But I strongly reccomend you get into contact with the appropriate people that QS suggested earlier... That in my opinion is the best route to take... Report him to his military superiors and wall him off... He will be outraged, but he will have to end things with OW or pursue divorce... I can't see him seriously jeapoardizing his career for a subway clerk.
I did as you suggested. I reposted the Facebook message. This time, I made a profile for me and my kids, and posted on his Wall- a similar post to the one I'd deleted.
I also called the police non-emergency line and made a report. The police officer came over and we had a chat- he was very nice.
While the police officer was here, Mr. RT called. I think he and the OW had been driving by the house. He wanted to know why the police were here. The officer talked to him and told him that he needed to call before coming here, needed to be civil, and needed to give us time before making us move out. He took down the OW's address and might be going over there to talk to Mr. RT-not sure.
It's a holiday here today, but tomorrow I'm going to go to his work and talk to a superior about the situation.
I'm going to use this thread as my record. I'll save the posts to refer back to when court time comes.
I'm 99% sure it's going to end in divorce now, but I no longer care about keeping Mr. RT around anyway.
Me-29 H- 28 Together for 6.5 years 2 kids, ages 9 and 5 D-Day: July 15, 2010.
Went and talked to his direct supervisor today. Adultery is apparently not much of an issue, as I suspected- the supervisor already knew a bit about Mr. RT and OW.
I focussed on the credit card fraud and harassment instead. "I don't want to hurt his career, but I may be forced to file criminal charges if these issues aren't resolved. I'd just like to know if/how that would effect his job before proceeding, so I can make an informed decision."
The supervisor is buddies with Mr. RT, and seemed stressed by our talk. He wasn't sure- he's going to consult up the chain of command and call me when he finds out.
I forgot to mention the gambling addiction, though. Dang. I'll have to bring it up when he calls.
Me-29 H- 28 Together for 6.5 years 2 kids, ages 9 and 5 D-Day: July 15, 2010.
This IS taken seriously.. it may be overlooked by his CO, but if you explore this I am confident you can blow this whole thing wide open.
Talk to QS, he's the one with the background in military exposures...
You can toss this into the conversation wtih his CO at any time ;
I apologize if infidelity makes you uncomfortable. This wasn't my choice to bring something ugly and counter to military policy into our home. If you think YOU feel uncomfortable imagine how I must feel right now?
If you think I am enjoying this you are mistaken. Infidelity is an uncomfortable business. Ignoring it doesn't make it any less comfortable for me. I think if your wife were making your marriage uncomfortable you would want me to give her a chat wouldn't you? Lets deal with this so yours and my discomfort doens't last any longer than it has to, OK?
Something like that...
I am hoping QS responds sometime today.. you can hold off until we hear from him.
His CO apparently called the padre (this is Canadian military, I'm not really sure what the padre does but he's a minister/military officer).
The padre called Mr. RT at the OW's house. Mr. RT showed up this afternoon with $200 for me. Had me sign a paper attesting to this. He was very angry that I'd talked to his work, but didn't dare yell or try to take anything.
He said we have 29 days to get out of the house, and that the sheriff would be by to inform me this afternoon. I don't even think we have sheriffs here. He was bluffing, I assume- I just said 'okay then'. My legal position is a bit shaky, as we're common-law married (it's different in Canada with the common-law stuff).
Earliest legal aid appointment would be in October, which stinks.
Spoke at length to the base social worker- she's calling me back tomorrow. Also made a counselling appointment using the military's Member Assistance Program.
And I'm reading 'The Art of War' to get into the proper mindset. LOL
Me-29 H- 28 Together for 6.5 years 2 kids, ages 9 and 5 D-Day: July 15, 2010.
There are laws against abaondining a spouse, there is a bailiff that can force him to pay you support. I don't think he can legally throw you out of the house either.
He will bluff you if he can.
You should be able to get some legal advice for 1 hour free from a few laywers.. I would talk to about half a dozen to find out your options...
I would continue reporting to the military though...
I would be wary of accepting any $$ from him or signing anything. He will be setting a presedent there.. for example if he gives you 200 bucks and then another 200 in tewo months then he can tell the court that you have accepted 100 bucks a month support...
Art of War is a great start to get in the right mindset no doubt.
I woudln't move out until you see a paper telling you by law that you have to leave.
He's on file with the police already and you are hitting him hard at his workplace... There should be a separate governing body that polices the military I just don't know the details...
There may be a general information line for the military as well... You could try that.
That's great- see, I was assuming that most posters were Americans. Awesome.
I think I'll do that- go talk to some lawyers, mooch all the consults that I can. My folks have offered to pay for one, but I'd really like to save them that expense if possible.
Yes, Mr. RT is starting to feel the pain. Last time he called, I heard her little kids screaming in the background- little kids annoy him to death. Her house is tiny, cramped, and the yard is disgusting. I KNOW he's going nuts over there. He complained of being broke, and that OW was paying for everything (his food, beer, etc). I had to choke down my laughter. Here she thought she was getting a guy with a good salary- it'll be interesting to see how she likes supporting her kids PLUS grumpy Mr. RT. That kinda takes the glamour out of the situation now, doesn't it? LOLOLOL.
Me-29 H- 28 Together for 6.5 years 2 kids, ages 9 and 5 D-Day: July 15, 2010.
