OK current sitch..just about sprained my finger clicking on over here because I am in need of a still type...just breathe moment.
Sunday- Get a call from the W during a nap asking me what I have been talking about with her mother. I have been discussing all kinds of things with her mother so I just mention she found a microwave cart for me that I had just brought home. W starts to get irate asking incoherent questions about what I am doing talking to her family and then says, "What if I told my mother things about you so my family would hate me the way yours hates me.
(My family is not the most emotionally mature and I am battling to keep them respectful when it comes to the W. Invitations sent to me and the kids without her name and petty $#!^ like that have occurred.)
I am at a loss, half asleep and for the first time in this nasty business getting really irate. She starts talking about money...I start yelling about no having a damn bottle of mustard in the house, no beds for my kids, D who says I have to replace floor and bug bomb before she will sleep there and end it with a very mature FU and hang up. Wife texts back...I'm sorry. I ignore it...wife cals back...ignore again. I pick up on second call and...
Little did I know this is what was going on...
wife gets on FBook (everyone booooooo..I hate that flippin thing) and she tries to sell a piano and asks about consignment shops for selling some old clothes. Money pinch is setting in and she is doing what she can. I guess her sister, estranged from the fam but still in contact via FBook and with daughter that plays said she would BUY it.
W's Mom jumps on and says she should check with her Aunt first as it is a family item and her aunt has senority in the matter, I guess. My wife thinks I called her Mom and said she better get on FBook because W is selling piano. Now not only do I not have ANY access to W's FBook profile, because she defriended me and blocked me, but the entire thing makes no sense, which she now sees.
Later W sends page saying she is sorry for saying she would tell my MIL things that would make her family hate me, "There is nothing to tell"
OK now...
Yesterday I send her an EM saying that there were things she could have told her Mom, and I go through some of my failures...I know I know bad but it just felt so like what to do.
I told her I missed the kids, the stupid dog, grumbling about putting her hair implements away in the morning, and I missed my best friend.
Later that night I go to her house to be with the kids, make them dinner, and watch movies with daughter. I tell wife I am leaving in a bit and she says she will be home in 10 min. I wait talk to her a bit. She walks me to car and there is a nice goodbye hug.
She said she still needed time to reply to earlier EM. Nothing until about noon today.
Now I am getting texts..."Been thinking about your EMail. I always felt like I was not satisfying you...I did not feel like I was a priority...this may sound wierd but I never really felt a bond with your family. My family loves you.
I replied- "I can see where you might have thought you were taking a bcakseat to many things, but I cannot think of a time when my ultimate goal was not to build a better future for us.
I told her my family is emotionally constipated and that a custom fishing pole is their version of a deep bond. I told her I never knew she felt that way and that it must have hurt even watching me interact with her family let alone at my own family's events.
Next text-She then said this whole private school thing is unnecessary...money again, but with a point.
Next text- She said she hated our town.
I replied- I know and told her I had a spare room.
Next text- about my family- "They wrote me off so fast. Your Aunt sent thank you to the house and put my name last." I replied that my family is and has been all about paranoia and betrayal and that by being mean to her, they think they are showing their love for me. I said it probably killed my aunt even to put her name on the thank you, but I had made it clear how upset I was that they left W's name off of last invitation.
Next text- I also hate having to work. No matter what we did we were always in CC debt.
I replied- I always felt if I tried to take the financial reigns that that independent streak of yours would kick in and you would take it as some kind of insult, but having taken care of yourself since you were in Jr, High I should have perhaps offered you the option. I am not doing to bad getting some of my things in order IIDSSM. Go do some work to get your mind off of all this. I would like to talk more later.
Is there anything here that was handled properly? What do you folks think about this exchange over the last couple of days? Sorry for the length but it seems I am so close to something, I did not want to be short on details. OR...is this just a part of the MLC cycle and should I have stepped back more?
Board continues to be calming influence...thanks for your time reading all this.
