WAH and LBW separated and dark

[steady]

i understand that other vets have chimed in and are adamant that dropping the rope is the key. but they haven't read my sitch thoroughly.

D, I don't need to read your sitch thoroughly. I don't need to read anyone's sitch's through to know exactly what's going on. A lot of the people (some 'old timers' here - just look at some of their post counts...lol) who are on your thread don't need to read it either - to know where you are. There is a common thread that runs through all of them and that's what the 'vet' can see. I got 'drop the rope' advice from day 1. Go look at my initial thread. MikeFromTennesse (He was the first vet to jump into my thread - I owe him more than anyone can imagine) told me it hundreds of times. He told it to all the guys who I befriended here. You'll see it in every thread on this board. I heard it from dozens more - Coach, Wifey, Kenny, Distressed67, ndsmhelp, Puppy, and so, so many more.

My First Thread

You'll see the word 'detach' in about the 7th post. You'll see it all over all my threads.

While you're at it, go read here...and read down the page to where I continue it. It's what I knew at the time about detaching. I knew it (knowledge) but I didn't 'have' it.

My take on detaching

I know where you are. If you keep up the work I can tell you where you are heading (you, not your sitch0. Anyone who has been here and down the road can tell you. Remember, I walked the same path. All of our specifics are different, but there is that common thread that's the undercurrent of every sitch here.

"dropping the rope" is great advice for those who are still interacting with their h's for maximum impact. but me? you guys know there is little to no contact. so what is "dropping the rope" going to do? as far as he's concerned, i have and we are two strangers now.

In my opinion Dropping the Rope is the single most important action anyone who walks into this room can do. It's what you and everyone else is striving for - whether you/they know it or not. It is your way out - it is your salvation - it is your peace - it is your strength - it's the pivot point where amazing things begin - it is LIFE itself. Again, this is only my opinion. If I had been able to detach and drop the rope from day 1 my sitch would look totally different. It's what I pray for each person whose thread I post on can get.

I didn't 'get it' until I finally dropped the rope. When it dropped, I knew it. It just happens to us. (Not without work) I think it's a lot like finding someone who you will fall in love with. When you look the hardest it eludes us, then one day, out of nowhere it appears. Bam. Just like that. I put dropping the rope right in there with Grace. That's Life's work.

the GAL work that i'm doing is now second nature to me. i'm not faking it anymore. so when i am happy, it's not a fake smile. it's real. i love the changes in me and i have my self-confidence back.

I am with all the others here. I have seen changes in you. I can see them. We can tell when it's there and when it's only in the fake it till you make it mode.

People who have walked the walk can see the reality through all the dust and smoke surrounding the people who walk in here. We can see it because it is us...just appearing in a different body.

at the beginning of this, i kept saying how devastated i'd be if i found out that there was someone else. how do i feel now? i say go ahead. if he thinks he found someone better than me, then i wish him the best. finding someone takes time. you have to click with that person. once the honeymoon phase is over, the real work begins. if neither of them is committed to doing the work, then he will end up in the same situation .. going through one relationship after another. breakup after breakup. and the best part? i won't be a part of that vicious cycle. so no skin off my back.

One thing to say it, another thing to actually know it or see it. I have had a few things happen recently that indicates my W is with someone. Quick sting, some sadness/jealousy...in and out like a flash in the pan. Then I move on. I could have never have done that before dropping the rope.

i don't think i made changes to who i am over the last 30 days. i think i let the real me out. they weren't changes. i had the opportunity to let the real me out. i wanted to be a better squash player, i wanted to learn how to bake from scratch, and i wanted to take my career further. this is who i was - pre-marriage. i didn't have a bf. it was just me.

This is how it's supposed to be. Clear the debris, the pain, the fog, the self-issues...the only thing that can be there is the real us. We are perfectly imperfect.

i think he is missing out big time. i think i bring a lot to the table. for him not to see it, is his loss.

All the WAS miss out big time. They don't realize the massive changes that occur when people come here and DO THE WORK. The question becomes - can we hold it? Or will we be back here again with a different person? My plan is to continue to come here. It's like going to AA meetings. It keeps it fresh and green. How the hell could I fall asleep in another R if I'm regularly coming here? I'm hoping I won't. But it does happen.

being me, put a smile on my face. i feel alive again.
and people are drawn to me now. i said that i am so used to bringing out the best in others - which is why people seek me out for mentoring. when i was down on my luck, others have come to help bring out the best in me. do you believe in karma? i do now.

I have believed in Karma for over 2 decades now. I see it everywhere. All the open loops eventually close. Life is the great equalizer. 'You reap what you sow'; 'Vengance is mine'. I don't believe in a God, but I believe in Life - that's what I call that 'thing' everything comes from and will return.

You are doing well--please believe Forrest and Coach and me when we say this. You can do this!! You are no where NEAR ready to "drop the rope". Heck, you have barely tried to hold onto it, it is not time to drop it!lol.

I completely agree with this.

thanks for the encouragement. i am going to keep working on me. and really think about what i will say, how i will say it, and prepare for any outcome.

Don't prepare for any outcome. That's impossible - there are an infinite amount of potential outcomes.

Be willing to accept any outcome - no matter what it looks like. Be ready to embrace all of it. Anything else is just fighting reality. It's insane to resist something that already is

Life is not 'was'. Life is not 'will be'.

Life IS