We are taking the twins to Splash City for their 10th b'day tomorrow. Waterparks are great and the kids love them. Not exactly a "date" for us but it will be fun.
I've also decided that while she's deciding if she can do the counseling stuff, I'm not going to bring it up. Just let her think about it in her own space. Everything is on hold, LIMBO LIMBO LIMBO when it comes to R decisions.
I'm not going to let that change how I act though. I often think that she really wants me to lead, to fight for her, to be the man.
A strategy I used with my Wayward while she was "going against me", was to sit in the same side of the booth in a restaurant as her. To look in the same direction, changes the dynamic.
DLS, I never thought about that. That's a good idea.
PH, I did not even like a few weeks of limbo and told my L to file. It feels like there is an end date now. The W thinks the D will be over in a month or two and not Jan 2011. I won't fill her in and let her believe our time is limited. Since I filed, I can alway pull the paperwork too. I am in control of the D right now not her.
Me 44, W 39, S 6, D 6, M 21 Bomb June 18, 2010 I filed D July 20, 2010 W filed counter suit Aug 2 Rings came off Aug 5, 2010
DLS, I never thought about that. That's a good idea.
PH, I did not even like a few weeks of limbo and told my L to file. It feels like there is an end date now. The W thinks the D will be over in a month or two and not Jan 2011. I won't fill her in and let her believe our time is limited. Since I filed, I can alway pull the paperwork too. I am in control of the D right now not her.
When you guys look at each other, you likely get angry. She may also start in on you. I'm sure there are a dozen or more other tricks to tip things back toward your favour.
Found what I think is a great MC/IC. He's both a pastor and a licensed therapist; his goals are always to try and preserve the marriage. He cringed when I described some of the things our previous MC tried out.
So, don't be afraid to look hard for a good MC that fits your goals. Michelle talks about this in DR, but if you get partway into a set of sessions, don't be afraid to switch horses if you need to.
I think limbo is not always a bad thing. I think of it as moving to the middle. I am a perpetual "fixer" and by moving to the middle it requires someone else to do something. It's often a way of finding out what they really want.
He: WAH Me: LBW Precious: DD
~ I'm grateful for every day I have to improve the way I relate.
Limbo is a slow death. Watched way too many good people here get stuck in that thinking. One of my favorite DB books is by Dr Suess, "Oh, the Place You will Go."
Quote:
Oh! The Places You’ll Go! by the incomparable Dr. Seuss
Congratulations! Today is your day. You’re off to Great Places! You’re off and away!
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.” With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.
And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town. It’s opener there in the wide open air.
Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.
And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.
Oh! The Places You’ll Go!
You’ll be on your way up! You’ll be seeing great sights! You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.
You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
Except when you don’t. Because, sometimes, you won’t.
I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.
You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.
You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.
And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.
You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?
And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.
You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.
No! That’s not for you! Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!
Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all. Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.
Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.
I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.
All Alone! Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.
And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.
But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.
You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.
And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)
Kid, you’ll move mountains! So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So…get on your way!
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
