21 years of marriage hanging by a thread

[Chuck66]

IDU,
I did let fear control me at first. But I have seen a few cracks in her armor. When I agreed with her about our R being bad and we just need to get a D, she said, "I am just trying to be devil's advocate." The more aloof I am about the R, the more she seems to want to ask questions about me or my life. It's the first time in a long time that she hasn't thought about herself. They are just a few questions each day but it is a change.

Our twin 6 year olds are not allowed to talk in her car. she blasts the music so she doesn't hear them. My daughter told me she asked mommy to turn it down and she said no. It's a 10 minute drive. You would think they could all have a nice conversation.

When mom rides the kids. You be nice as pie. I don't soften mom's verbal blows and say "mom meant to say, blah blah blah." I don't do that. I am happy as a lark even when she is spewing to the kids. I stay calm and treat them nice and once they started to come to me for everything and started to "not want to bother mommy" W has calmed down a lot and things with the kids are much better. You take the high road and STAY there. Hopefully she will see the low road does not have as nice of view and will treat your kids nice too. Baby steps. You cant change her and I would not let my W bring me to her level. It's starting to pay off.

I'm starting to learn how to be on the roller coaster. While on a downward path, instead of enjoying "the suck" I look off the coaster at the scenery until I feel we are going up again, then I focus back on the coaster and enjoy the ride again.

Since you are using the queen's spelling, where are you located?