Seperated But Living Together

[2gthrButApart]

I haven't been the best DBer I have a terrible temper which always sets back my DB efforts A LOT. I don't know if there's any hope to DB. Before I had slight hope with ILYBNILWY, now it's " I don't want you, or anything to do with you at all!"

I found out today this baby is another girl. and I feel stupid b/c I was sad when I found out. I wanted a boy, this is my last chance. I don't want different dads for my kids, so this was my last shot. I was also hoping I could give my H his boy, b/c I just KNOW he'll meet someone and get his little boy, and that's a bond no one can ever come between. I wanted that for US. But now even that hope is gone. We swore this was a boy b/c the pregnancy is so different from both girls. But we were wrong. And my last little chance of hope is out the window. I thought perhaps it could possibly bring us a little closer. But I guess God has other plans.

I've prayed so much in 2 years and everything gets worse.

Should I "believe" in hope, should I DB from scratch 100%?? I just don't know what the possibility is. Before he said we had about a 1% chance, that's when he was still home. Now he's 2 hrs away. How do you know when there's absolutely no shot at reconciling?

I know I need to control my temper, and my outbursts, not just for the "M", But how much can it really help now, 2 years of messing it all up.