I'm sorry about your uncle. Your mom sounds challenging...good thing you turned out so sweet!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Seeing as Dan is still seeing Stephanie, however casually, then we can assume thats why he was never able to work on an R with you. It wasnt that he didnt "choose your gift of love" (sounds a bit stalkerish!), just he chose to go love someone else I guess. Maybe he did genuinely break up with her back then when you saw his break up email and he was in turmoil over splitting with you and divorcing..but that as the D is now finalised, perhaps they ended up picking up where they left off. Its not that surprising hun, but yes he was cowardly to not let you know that.
It must be very hard to know that he is introducing her to YOUR kids, so I think you handled it admirably! I dont see why you keep texting each other, especially over such important things as introducing gf's to the kids. I think you said there was no rule in the D about that, but it still warrants a face to face convo??
Hugs xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
You know, I WISH we could have some say over who our stbxhs introduce our kids to. But we don't. At all. And it SUCKS!!!!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
And I know you guys may disagree, but having ow around my kids = I tell the kids he cheated on me with her. If it were someone else I may not love it, but he has the right to date, he is single now. The fact that it is her, the one person I told him I would have a problem with, and the fact that he lied to me that they were done (for the millionth time) is just too much for me. I cannot sit across from her at some group event and be nice. I just can't. Sorry if that makes me weak. I could grin and bear it with some new woman, but not her. And in fairness I think the kids need to know that about her before they cozy up to her. If they still decide she is awesome, then I can't change that. But they can make an informed decision.
Please dont explain to the kids about the cheating. Take the high road. John summed it up best...
Originally Posted By: John210
When his interactions and whereabouts and text messages (regardless how stupid) have little or no effect on you, you will be on your way....grasshopper. I agree with K and your bro (but I am sure that does not surprise you)....the question is when will you believe it? When will you believe that you are better off without him? When will his actions wash off you like the proverbial water on the duck? Now on the OW front, I feel for you but you can not pick his girlfriends for him because of the possible effect those choices may have on your kids....that is a hard pill to swallow.....I know. The route I have chosen to take is the high road.....one day the truth will come out .... it will not be from me......but kids are pretty smart and they will figure it out when they are much older. Don't burden them with this stuff at such a young age. Bottom line is you can not do anything about what Dan does (his choice of girlfriends, the pictures he takes etc)....so turn the other cheek....let it slide.....that is my usolicited 2 cents.
^^^ I really like what John said. There's lots of wisdom in there for us.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
It may not come out for a long, long time, but it will. After my parents divorced, my mom went through a string of men. They were all nice enough but none of them were my dad so I really didn't pay them much attention.
Years, years, years later. Going through this. My admiration for my dad grows. He never once complained about the string of guys she paraded through my childhood. My mom, I still love her, but she was a weak individual -- very codependent. Not really happy unless she was with a guy.
I'm trying to shake that.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
I haven't told them yet but I am really wrestling with that decision.
I know all about the high road, what do you think I have taken all along? I don't mean that to sound defensive, I am just saying you guys know I have not been vindictive throughout this.
It isn't about being vengeful...it's different than that. I try to put myself in their shoes. If my parents divorced and my dad cheated, and then brought that woman around me, if I didn't know it and befriended her, well, if I found out later I would be upset that nobody told me. Because given the information I would not want to be close to her...I just feel like they have a right to know.
If he was bringing a 'string' of women around the kids, he is divorced. I may not like it but there would be nothing for me to say about it other than, "These are the choices your dad is making. I would not make these choices but everyone has the right to make their own choices." Or something like that.
If she is going to become a fixture over there, I just feel like they should know. Not details, nothing gross...just the fact that their relationship was a big reason for ex and I to split apart.
Boy that's a toughy. They are 7 and 4. Parents are heroes at 7 and 4. I think it would be like finding out Santa is dead. As much as it hurts I'd hold on to it until they are older and are curious. The questions will come later.
A few weeks ago, you probably read, I drove by "the house" with the girls to get a swimsuit and a guy was there helping STBXW get the house on the market.
I have zero proof he's an OM but I suspect he is. The girls saw him and I said he's just a friend, yada, yada. Then I texted STBXW to tell her she'd have to explain.
She came up with some BS story about burning her hand and calling a friend for help (I saw her the next day and her hand was fine). But I didn't say anything as they hugged her and said, see, dad, he was just a friend.
Did I get a thank you? No. She thinks I told them he was a boyfriend and I got a letter from her L telling me I made some questionable decisions that weekend.
You can't win by telling them. They will lose because they are too young to lose their dad as a hero.
The truth will come out in the end.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
You are on the high road...just dont want to see you take the exit to the next road down because it is filled with pot holes.
You could gradually over time let certain facts slip out so they could come to their own conclusion. Likewise, Dan and her could end up ok and be good for the kids. You just need to use caution so as to not influence the kids choices on their relationship with their father and girl friend.
Just the other day, as I was driving near XW's place with the kids to check out a par 3 course, I passed by the tavern (appropriately named Wanker's Corner) where she and Ed met. I mentioned to the kids that their mother met Ed there. I am not certain why I said it, but sometimes you just cant help but fill in the missing blanks. The kids love their step dad, but they also know that I am not very fond of him. So they limit the amount of information they tell me about their mother and him.
Good news this week is that I see on my last child support bank transfer that my XW has changed her account to be the same last name as Ed's. I would have preferred that they both changed their last name to be "The Wanker's".
Well I am not big on assuming but I believe they will be spending more time w/her this weekend. It is Dan's weekend with the kids.
Last time it was his weekend he took Thurs/Fri off work. They were supposed to go camping but instead due to rain went to the water resort hotel and 'bumped into' ow.
Well after reading Ali's post this morning I texted Dan and just said I wanted a 15 minute face to face convo this week. Said I could come up to his work during his break if that made it easier.
He replied that he was off Thursday and Friday but he would find a time anyway. Very unusual for him to take time off twice in a 3 week period. Could just be he is taking advantage of the time the kids are off school bc during the school year he won't be able to do that. However makes me wonder if he is also trying to get some ow bonding time in while he can.
Oh and while typing I got a phone call from a metro area physicians clinic. Just a reminder call that Daniel has an appointment tomorrow. Dude seriously, he has been out of the house for 18 months and I am still getting calls from his doctor? wtf...
