OK there's a lot for me to comment on... I will just wing it since I am supposed to be working... lol
Long term, I don't think its constructive to be talking about your marrige with your kids in secret. Once to prepare them is ok, but long term I think the goal should be to gather together WITH your H there to talk in group.
The risk with you talking to them all privately is that your H can do the same and you don't know what crap he's selling them.
I am not suggesting you fight in front of them, but I hope this scenario of you gonig to tell them ONE thing and him telling them another in secret isn't going to become a regular thing.
I am on side with your approach so far, that's just a warning that I see your H taking this too far... I think that should be cut off pretty soon now that everyone is in the loop - no private chats with the kids about the family...
