Quick update: Talked to S14 for a bit. It wasn't easy and I wish he could see things better. He is so much like his dad - so analytical - I know he really identifies with his dad. I had to be extremely careful to be diplomatic with him and explain I am not asking that he chose sides. He even made the comment that there is 2 sides to every story...making sure I knew he would consider dad's side as well, I figure. I explained that I didn't want him to take sides but to be on the side "of the family" and for what's right. He's not an emotional kid - he doesn't get the pain and anguish part of all this. He was very uncomfortable about talking about it. I told him I just wanted him to be prepared. Said if H talks to him about this stuff I would hope he would express that he wants his family together, not apart, and that it would upset him if H leaves.
