a. If you are going to continue to keep your negative attitude then go... I don't want to do this work with someone who is choosing to be miserable. b. This isnt' clinical depression on your part, you don't have any genetic chemical imbalance in your brain you just want to be negative c. I won't expose that cynicism to these kids any longer
What you told him was quite good, the only part of it I would take out is that you respect his decision - you don't - so why lie to him and make him feel good about leaving?
Be very careful here. He does not want to leave and he may try to lead you on in order to stay in the home - he KNOWS it will cost more for him to live elsewhere.
The key point in fighting this is to make it DIFFICULT for him to leave. Part of MWD is to make it inviting to stay, which helps, but you also need to make leaving unpleasant for him too. No begging or yelling, but hit him in the groin by telling him by walking out that door he is no longer a man.
Have you read Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw?
95% of his problems are addressed in detail very early on in that book.
McGraw lists ten "bad spirits" that people take on that contaminate a marriage - your husband is using them daily on you and he thinks its constructive. That text should put a stop to it very quickly :
OK. This is good – all of it. He thinks that by staying home, I am the only one “suffering” but that it’s better for him, and for the kids.
I didn’t mean “respect” his decision – I just meant more “accept” his decision. I will watch that wording more carefully in the future – good point. I DON’T respect it!
As for the next parts – this is where it gets tricky. Yes, I believe he will try to lead me on in order to stay. SO, then for the next paragraph – wanting to make it unpleasant for him to leave – am I not wanting him to stay? I get that I don’t want him to stay and continue his bad behavior and lack of commitment… but this is hard for me to grasp: If he’s in the home it makes it easier to work on R. However, in order to get him to want to work on R, making him leave may be the only way to get him to see the light and want to work on it!
I see many of the bad spirits at play. The thing is, H doesn’t appear willing to see his any of this. He’s acting out of his feelings, not reason. How do I get him to listen to reason?
