Bottom line here? He wants out but doesn't want to actually have to leave and deal with the consequences.
That IS a problem!
Because unless he can split in two and be both a good husband and a walk away husband, he's going to have to make a choice.
Good job, Sunny! Now you both know where you stand.
Yeah - it's not a pretty place, but this limbo business is no place to be! That's where the problem lies. He doesn't want to have to make a decision and I am forcing it. He says in one breath that his mind is already made up - that he doesn't think this is going to work, that he just wants out and for us to still have a good relationship with the kids. Then, when I tell him to go - he doesn't want to go! So, he is conflicted.
Now, some would argue that the best thing would be for me to "give him what he wants" and for him to realize it isn't what he wants. In other words, to "be friends". I started that whole friends thread because of the 2 different philosophies. MWD even seems to advocate being friends. Several of us just thought her friendship story on this site was to get people to see hope. However, I read someone else's post last week saying they talked with a DB coach and the coach advocated friendship as well. I am confused because I can see both sides. A: Be "friends" - detach - let go - but garner your self-respect. By being their friend yet not putting up with their crud anymore you simulateously provide the release of the trap door they feel but make yourself a good choice still. B: DON'T be their friend because that makes it easy on their conscience. It allows cake-eating. Cake eating allows indecision to continue and the state of limbo.
