It might not feel like it, but you are still in the early days, Dan. The bomb was dropped 6 months ago. In that timeframe, I was still so pissed off, and I thought and sometimes said the exact same things as you. I, of course, am not the breadwinner, but I did have a full-time job. It would've been really hard to live separately.
Do you think your W could be in MLC?
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Yes, I think it could be related to MLC. She seems to think that she missed out on the last 11 years of her life while raising our kids. All she wants to do for the last year is go out drinking with her friends. She claims that "she never got to do what she wanted to do", when in terms of major life events, I think she got to do everything she wanted to do.
We lived close to her work, but an hour away from my work because "everyone in Illinois is an [censored]".. She never took a promotion because she didn't want to deal with the office politics or have the hassle of people reporting to her. We had kids when she wanted to. She was able to work part-time and arrange her schedule so we didn't have to have any day-care. As a result, I got my advanced degree, CPA certification and took 8 promotions in 20 years to allow her to do these things while we still lived a comfortable life. that required me to put in a lot of hours over the years and I can understand the stress it put on her, but it wasn't easy for me either.
When I asked her what it was that she wanted to do that she didn't get to, I didn't get any answers. I suggested that we make a list so we could be sure she got to do those things and never got any suggestions. After asking her about 5 times, she finally said that "she didn't get to go out drinking two nights in a row if her friends were". When I pointed out that I never turned down any of her requests to do these things and that she never asked me about going out 2 nights in a row her answer was that she didn't feel that she could. Not sure what I could have done about that.
She also recently complained to me that "all she can do is evaluate sex offenders", which leads me to believe that she is unhappy with her career.
Robx says he doesn't believe in MLC, but I don't know.
I also think this is partly hormonal. By her own admission, she has 1/2 of the perimenopause symptoms. Her mother and sister both had it VERY bad, but it has NOTHING to do with our situation.
At the moment, I am watching my financial future, that I worked so hard for 20 years to build, flash before my eyes. This will ruin both of us financially.
She said that she changed her mind about living together because of all the things that have happened over the past few weeks. When I asked what things, she just snorted at me. No answers. I snorted back and said that is the only answer I ever get from you and she replied that she wasn't going to talk about it. This was the same response I got a couple of weeks ago when she claimed that I have been beating her down. When I asked how, she just snorted at me. When I pressed, she complained about mood swings. What did she expect to happen after telling me she is filing for a D? She just wants this to be all pleasant and easy for her.
Regarding the time-frame, it has only been 2 months since she told me she was going to file and 7 months since she first started complaining, but saying she wanted to work on the R. I don't believe that she ever had that intention and was only buying time until the kids got out of school.
Right now, I just want to blow-up and I am starting to break-down once again. I guess all I can do is stay strong and see what tomorrow brings.
The last thing you want to do is blow up. It will only make matters more difficult. All you can do is move forward in your sitch. She seems to just be trying blame you for her problems. Just worry about what you can change and that is being the you can be. Let her take responsibility for her part in the marriage.
I hope you just give yourself a little break and have some rest.
It is very tiring both mentally and emotionally.
Remember the fighting spirit you have gained in the last few months.
Last edited by LSG; 08/03/1006:25 AM.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
Midlife for Dummies ... an old thread, but still true. I do see a couple of options your wife has taken.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
My wife's family said she is acting like a teenager. She never had many friends and now that she does have some "friends", it's like she is making up for lost time. Still another parallel thread that runs through these situations.
Stay calm and use what you have learned. Blowing up won't help or solve anything. Get it out on here or with some friends. Don't let her see anything but calm and cool.
We have all learned a lot about ourselves and what we could and should have done different. You are becoming a better person. I hope your W will see that and realize what she is giving up.
Court went badly today. My attorney stinks. She said that the court commissioner we were in front of today was very old fashioned and since W's side was going to bring-up the pornography issue, she thought it was in our best interest not to argue the case in the temporary order, but to wait for the final hearing.
W;s side had their numbers put together, and so did I, but my atty did not seem very organized and I was pressured to make a decision very quickly. I went with her recommendation which results in me getting only 43% of our combined income, while W gets 57% so that she can afford to make the payments on the house. My attorney says that this was her mistake and she will file for a correction, but I doubt that will go anywhere.
I have to be out of the house by 9/1.
The bonus I just got has to go into a trust fund to pay the marital debts, except for $1500 that I get for the vacation. $1100 to rent the cabin and $400 spending money.
My attorney says all of this will change in the final hearing, but how long will it be until then? Plus, no requirement for W to go back to work full-time at this point.
My atty likes the actual judge in the case and thinks we will have a much better result then. Do I stick with her? She has a big name in my town, but I'm not sure she is quite enough on the ball. I feel that she got beaten badly by W's attorney today.
I hate to see that your A seemed lost and caught off guard. They are supposed to work for your best interests and you should be able to relax a little knowing that the legal aspect of things are taken care of.
I know nothing about how all of this works so I will not offer any advice other than letting you A know how disappointed you are in him and maybe him communicate better with you and letting you know exactly what to expect from here on out.
Sorry for the set-back. Hang in there and good luck.
