Oh, Mish. It must be frustrating to have those feelings. He is back but it is obvious you don't feel any security about him being there...Michelle has some great suggestions for you. I will be pulling for you as always.
the only thing I don't get is why it was partly terrible for him to call you his wife? If my ex came home and was referring to me as his wife to other people, I would take that as a good thing!
OT, expand on that. What am I supposed to report? Tell him I love him? Tell him I see us having a R but with no real commitment which leaves me completely insecure and like I'm walking a tightrope?
It just might be that I'm not capable of having any kind of a healthy R with anyone, not just Gabe. My learned responses are strong. Maybe they would be different without all that history but I'll never know.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I think what she is getting at is that it is perfectly fine to say something like: " Gabe, I have been enjoying our time together. I appreciate your helping too. I would like us to rebuild a better relationship together but I want to be clear, I can't have us dating other people. If we are to have a chance it is just us." Then leave it up to him say something or not. He may not say anything right away and you need to be okay with that. For some reason men like to "simmer" their thoughts for a bit.
Hope that helps.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I really like what Michelle says Mishka. The early days are going to be hard. Have you read in DR what MWD says about when they come back? Sorry I am not terribly helpful!
I read it long ago. I hate to admit it, but I got rid of the book once the D was final. I did away with all of the books I read while trying to get through the D. I sure wish I had held on to them.
I hear you all and I'm going to try. I do love him but it's a fearful love.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I hate to admit it, but I got rid of the book once the D was final. I did away with all of the books I read while trying to get through the D. I sure wish I had held on to them.
And THERE is a problem in itself dear. Not only were the book a reference for you to to try to save your M, but also to survive the ptoential devestation, and how to go on with life and not fall into the same pit again and be a better you.
And here you are.
Mish, you need to just be point blank with him. And hit him HARD with it. I have'nt read up on all the particulars here, but seems like he's living the free willy life at your expense, in all ways shapes and form. And in doing so, you have NO RESPECT from him, and he will continue to do so.
capiche?
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
I agree with Dday. Mish you are acting as if he is doing you a favor while the truth is exactly the opposite. He needed your help and you allowed him into your home, hoping for exactly what happened but now that you muct take it further you are afraid to proceed.
I dont get it. I can understand the fear early in the bomb days but NOW? NOW? How does it feel to live in the self imposed fog again sweets? Because this time, you are choosing to live in "limbo".
