Ohhh piano! Wish I could give you a huge hug!!! And some chicken soup to make you feel better!
Sorry to hear your H is being so selfish! and as SR says CLUELESS!
I think the schedule is a great idea... not only will it show him what life is like as a divorced dad, it will also help you adjust to when he will be visiting and no more last minute calls/texts to throw you in for a loop! (i know... easier said than done)
Have you asked him what his ideal schedule is? How he would like to participate in your D's life? Does he want to do the 50/50 custody thing?
Now, dont get mad... i tell you this b/c we are friends... You need to be strong! and pick yourself up! DO NOT LET HIM DO THIS TO YOU!!! You should not waste one more night waking up thinking of what he did to you! You need to take control back of your life and your feelings!!! You are so strong and I always admire your stregnth... and it hurts me to see what he is doing to you! You are absolutely entitled to cry and be sad, but i do know that when i feel down the most is when I am feeling sorry for myself. TRY to not think of what has past, and not what ccould happen, but rather enjoy your moments with your daughter and your family. TRY to IGNORE your H! Try it for one week, just act as if he doesnt exist, or rather, let's go back to the nieghbor who got you pregnant!
Detach for now!!! Detaching does not mean you are giving up! It simply means you are letting him make his mistakes (and boy are they stupid ones) but detach and focus on you! TRY not to think of the relationship aspect.
I KNOW IT IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE... but you need to try for your own mental and physical health!
I truly am not saying this to give you false hope, honestly, i mean this with all sincerity. But I think your H needs to go away because it will give him a glimps of the shitty life that lies ahead for him... i think he is running away from fatherhood and is going through a MLC of some sort! The OW... well she is just a toy for now...
Please Please Please... enjoy every moment with your daughter!
FOR NOW: let go of H and let go of your feelings for him and almost treat this time as if you are going through a healing process, and let him come to you.
HE WILL wake up one day and see this as a huge mistake! The key is to have him wake up when its not too late... so maybe put some DBing into practice again, you were great at it!
Sending you so much stregnth!!!!! I believe in you!!!
Hmmm... I should follow some of my own advice huh?
WH has emailed asking if he can attend our baby's vaccinations tomorrow morning. I would like to tell him to come along, but only if he plans to stay for a few hours afterwards & help if she is feeling sickly.
He has thanked me for the time I let him spend ALONE with her. He says "these moments are important to me". Ugh.
WH has emailed asking if he can attend our baby's vaccinations tomorrow morning. I would like to tell him to come along, but only if he plans to stay for a few hours afterwards & help if she is feeling sickly.
wow! At the very least he is acting like a father should, that is huge! It also will give you a time to bond, but do it only if you're comfortable with it. I would be honest and tell him you'd like him to stay for a few hours. If you decide to allow him to be there do it purely for the baby's sake. And anything else, if it makes trigger in his heart or his brain is a bonus. Truth is if he feels or thinks of anything else he will not show it nor admit. He may actually fight the idea that this is what its like to be a family, BUT he will be thinking it and who knows!
But like I said do it for your bub.
Originally Posted By: Piano
He has thanked me for the time I let him spend ALONE with her. He says "these moments are important to me". Ugh.
Now if only these moments could convince him to stay and want to be be more involved in her life.
Glad to see something positive coming from your H.
Hey BD! Didn't expect you to be there right now! Thanks so much for your 'pick me up' post. I needed that and I am also feeling heaps better healhtwise today I thought I would ask him to come but on MY terms for once; that us, for a few hours until I have to go to mothers group later that day, and that he drives the car home so I get to care for bub if she is grizzly. I will hold her - she needs me, not him.
As for him coming, I still think he is 'playing' at being dad, cos he really IS clueless. I think MIL had a word about the vaccinations with him.
As for his "moments" comments, I don't mean to be bitchy but all he has is moments and photos, no real experiences. It's very sad for him.
I should also reassure you that I love my baby girl to bits. We have so much fun!!! So, I am having simulataneously the worst time in my life, and the best, but best is winning right now. YAY!
And call me cynical, but WH is a WAS-with-OW (a particularly ugly breed) and I bet this is all about easing his conscience. I mean the guy is leaving for good in 2 weeks time!!! I bet it is so he can tell OW "See I am a good Dad, I went to my kid's vaccinations!".
In any case, tho that idea churns my stomach, I won't make our child the battleground.
I hope that he gets so used to being around bub over the next two weeks that he really feels a hole when he leaves. A huge hole.
As for schedule or accommodating his visits, it's only 2 more weeks. Do what makes you feel best. (My therapist always said that I can know what I want by feeling what my body is telling me. If I can feel any anger or pain in how a sitch is going, I need to speak up. She probably said that because I can overlook things, but this might help you know what you want in the visitation stuff.)
I am not looking forward to vaccinations. Our appt is on the 13th. Poor little babies! I think you can ask WH to drive... makes sense, really.
Piano, don't apologize for being a sad sack, silly! You have been sick, this is a horrible and hard experience, what do you expect?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Oh no piano. I'm sorry if I was hard on you or made you think you couldn't feel sad. Its perfectly normal to go these emotions! I'm sorry! I think I came across the wrong way!
Hey BD, you weren't hard, you said the right thing! I was tired of laying awake at night and my head full of fears, hurt and negativity. It's funny cos when I am busy and up and about, I feel much more postive.
