In all fairness to CTH, I've gotta' ask, how on Earth does one enter an online forum centered around failing marriages and not end up talking about the spouse, former or otherwise? And why is it that one cannot even mention the wayward without someone accusing you of dwelling too much on them, even in the context of discussing your children?
There's a fine line, I know, but some folks draw it a bit more stringently than I think it warrants.
Sorry, Awest, I'm not singling you out in particular; it's that I see this response quite a lot. In fact, I get the impression some (again not you in particular) would rather we got to where we never mention a former spouse at all. If that's what you want, then I say that's all fine, but then I can't find much reason to comment about trivial stuff like playing the back nine on some course or b-s'ing about team sports in a venue that wasn't meant for that. One can do that in plenty of other places of course.
Sorry for the rant, CTH. For the record, mentioning the ex or STBX is a given, at least some of the time, especially if you have kids. I can tell you it often takes a long time to get to where you feel sufficiently insulated from the damage caused by an ex's wanton actions. I'm not quite there myself, but I will, and I know you will make it there too, CTH.