We just had a long conversation. I told him unequivocally that if he does not want to be married to me he should go ahead and leave. I said I would respect his decision but he needs to understand it is his choice that would be devastating to me, to our kids, etc... He tried to turn it back on me to say that HE was the one that has been devastated, by me "ruining our family" the last few years with my depression issue and spending habits. He still puts all the blame on me and not any on himself, which is beside the point, I guess. I turned it right back around and said love is a decision: he was making the choice not to decide to forgive the mistakes I've owned up to.
Anyway, he said if I was asking for a decision right now he would say he would have to leave. I reiterated my stance. Further, I stated I could NOT be his pal and I realized that is what he wants, but I can't do it. I cannot be friends with someone who wants to devastate me and my children. I stated I would be cordial, of course, for the kids' sake - and that I would be fine even though what I felt what was best for the kids was to have parents that are happily married and I want what's best for the kids. I did get in there that eventually I expected to have a healthy R whether with him or not.
He went on and on about how I have depleted all the good feelings he has for me...that it's just all gone. He further stated that there is no one else - that he's not looking to date or anything else. Says it would be easy for him to hand over the phone and computer, etc... He claims he only was hiding these things because I was hiding mine. Well, I guess I have, but not because I truly have anything to hide. I didn't want him finding this forum, for instance, that is on my history - or all of the documents I've saved in my files. Anything I have to hide is to save my marriage!
So yes: you hit the nail on the head: he wants out but he wants me and kids to be OK with it. I made sure he knows I am not OK with it.
He truly does think all this is all my fault - and it's so crazy to me that he is justifying everything this way!
I held my ground and stayed strong. I'm proud of that. I was confident and didn't even get teary.
He wants a week to do the homework from the program and see how things are then. I didn't really want to give him a week but since he's willing to do the work, I figured OK. He still seems to think it won't do any good, so I wonder why he even wanted a week. He commented that it wasn't so he could find a place. I said, "Oh, I know, because I can always just call the Residence Inn for you...." Bottom line here? He wants out but doesn't want to actually have to leave and deal with the consequences.
SO - we then went on to table the discussion and did the "homework". Is that not odd???
