Regret Free Living

[Golfgirl1]

I think it stinks that the OW chose to be around the kids. She needs to get her own life and let the parents of the kids parent them. Too many skanky women/men just right there "ready and waiting" no matter what the damage to other people's lives. Those darling little babies don't need to be exposed to low life people who would participate in the ruining of a marriage.

Such a shame....

[BobbiJo]

It is a shame that she was there. But it isn't all on her, he obviously wanted her there of she wouldn't have been there. Although why (according to what the kids say) it played out the way it did is not clear.

Apparently they just 'bumped into' her there. Like, "Oh, kids. This is Stephanie she is a friend of mine. Imagine meeting her here!" Blah... Then when Nathan wanted to go on big slides and Sydney could not go too, Stephanie was conveniently there to keep an eye on her. Nice.

Why not, "Kids I wanted you to meet someone special to me. Stephanie is a good friend of mine and we will probably be seeing more of her/spending time together/whatever".

I mean, sheesh!Be direct or don't, really...

In other news my uncle's time is running out. We had a big party for my sister's daughter yesterday at my mom's. She got a call about 90 minutes before the party that the doctor had checked out John (still at home) and said anyone who wanted to see him should go that day/evening because he was not going to be around much longer.

So the kids and I went up later after the party. I was so upset with my mom but I guess I could have told her to leave. It was all very awkward.

I went into his bedroom, as I was walking in my oldest sister said "Speak loudly to get his attention and you should be okay." Because he was going in and out of wakefullness.

Well I walk in and my mom is already in there standing by his head. She likes to be the center of everything and yes I know how awful that sounds.

She says, "JOHN! Look, do you know who this is, do you know who this is??"

Well John is looking right at me and for a minute I get worried (I wouldn't have if mom hadn't said that) and I start to say my name.

He says, "Karen (my mom) DON'T F-ing say that to me again. I know who she is it's Bobbi Jo. Don't say that."

So even he is aggravated that she treats everyone like a child. I think he wanted to be treated with dignity and she acted like he was a senile old man.

So the whole time I tried to talk to him (2 minutes) she stood there watching everything I said and a couple of times repeating loudly what I said. Grr. Then I lift up my D right as we leave bc she can't see well from her vantage point. My mom seriously says, "JOHN do you know who that is..." about my D.

He said it again, "Don't say that to me." UGH!!!!

I went out to the kitchen and my mom stayed in there. I was telling my oldest sister what mom did and she comes rushing into the room, "What are you talking about? What are you saying?"

My sister (a nurse) says, "She is just venting mom...stop." And I said, "I was talking to sis not you so it isn't really your business."

I know we are supposed to respect our parents, but I can't take it sometimes. It was the third time just that day that I had been talking to one of my sisters and she came up being nosy and wanting to know what we were talking about and if we were talking about her...

[BobbiJo]

Oh and the best part is, when I was in the kitchen at my uncle's and mom came in, I asked her, "Why did you do that? Why did you ask him if he knew who I was?" She said, "Because I did that to him earlier and he said he didn't like it. I was teasing him..."

Sadly I am not sure if it was true. And sadly if it was, it was stupid. My mom lies whenever she feels the need to cover her @ss. "I was just teasing." is a common one if she offends someone...

So either she lied because she thought it excused her ignorant behavior, or she genuinely thought it was funny to 'tease' a dying man about something he clearly found annoying. They have such a messed up family dynamic.

In fact just the night before we took Nathan out for his birthday at a pizza/arcade place. Since his cousins were in town the timing was right even though his bday is not for 3 more weeks.

Well we were playing mini golf and mom leans down behind my niece who just turned ten and whispers something. Niece turns around and says, "Grandma I told you I hate that it tickles, stop it!" So mom did it 2 more times in the next 2 minutes and niece 10 was in tears. "Why did you do that I told you I hated it." Mom shakes her head like niece is a drama queen and says, "I was just teasing."

Really!?! Why do people find it funny to do things they know other people hate? I find it kind of sadistic...

[kat727]

I think it would have been totally fine to say to your Mom that you wanted a few minutes alone with your Uncle. Then talked to him after. Gee, it isn't about her.

I am really sorry that this is how you will remember that time with him. Is he close enough by that you could check in on him again?

Is does sound as if no one ever set boundaries with your Mom and let her do whatever. I know I am one to talk...my dad could get kind of scary. I am just now able to find my voice and more so when it affects my kids.

Thinking of you and your family.

kat

[BobbiJo]

thanks kat..

Went to be with a migraine, woke up with a migraine. Ugh. Or tension headache, or all of the above. Kids crawled into bed with me and I could not get in a comfortable position, woke up at 4 am and got an ice pack, I had tried one in the evening but it hadn't relieved my pain. Once again feels like a stick in my eye, my eye itself feels like it is pulsating/throbbing along with the rest of my head on that side...

So anyway MIL came and got kids around noon to go swimming and they are spending the night. It is Dan's night and he is in Canada again (allegedly) so kids are staying over with MIL/SIL/cousins.

I immediately crashed on the couch from 12:30 to almost 4:00. Got a Text from mom that one of my aunts who is the spokesperson for John, however you call that legally she makes the decisions, she signed the DNR order for my uncle so no large measures will be taken.

Kind of contrary because John is terrified of dying and I think he wanted all measures taken to keep him alive. But Judy decided he had been in pain and struggled long enough I guess. I mean all of the family agrees and I do too, that he has reached the end of the battle so it isn't really necessary to keep fighting a losing battle. However if his wish was to keep fighting, I don't know, do you honor the wish or not??

Not my decision and I am glad it isn't. So, either way looks like his time is running out.

[smith18]

BobbiJo -

Sorry to hear about your Uncle John.

It does sound like your mom has a knack for irritating people. My step mom is like that too. I just let the stupid, irritating and insensitive things she says just fall by the wayside like water off a ducks back. Does your mom have an annoying laugh?

[BobbiJo]

So as I was mowing and trying to shake off a migraine, I was listening to more of my audiobook by Steve Arterburn, "Regret Free Living".

One of the passages was so helpful that once I came in I went back to it on my iPod and typed it out. It is something I already knew but it is nice to be validated, as we all know.

Excerpt from regret free living

But if in the final analysis after you’ve prayed about it, after you’ve sought the counsel of loved ones, after you’ve spent all the time and energy necessary to know in your heart of hearts that you’ve done everything to salvage and heal the relationship you still know you have to break with the person, then move toward doing that.

God grieves over every soul who chooses Hell over Him. But people do make that choice and when they do God has no choice but to separate them forever from his presence. Sadly sometimes we too must banish someone from our own love. But just like it’s not God’s fault that any given person chooses Hell, it’s not your fault if someone has forced you to let go of them. God is honoring a person’s free will when he allows them to separate from Him. You likewise are honoring the person’s free will if time and time again they have proven that they don’t want to be with you in a way that would be pleasing to God.

If you know you’ve done everything you can to produce a healthy relationship and he or she has refused that gift, then just like God must turn from those who refuse the gift of his love, so you have to turn away from those who refuse the gift of yours. You can do that so knowing that since breaking up was ultimately their choice you’ll never have anything to regret about that decision.

I know Gucci has a thread about Setting Them Free and we talk all the time about pursuers/distancers. This is as good a reference as any, in my opinion. They want out, so let them out.

[Reincarnated]

I REALLY like this!!

[BobbiJo]

Steve Arterburn is awesome. He has a website and a radio show, "New Life Live". I've said it before, but I called in to his show twice and he is the one who ultimately told me I really had no other option but to file for divorce (he also thinks Dan is a sex addict)...

I also love Henry Cloud and Steve Townsend. They have a website as well. Google them for a wealth of great resources. I chose audiobook just because I find it easier to listen while I drive or work in the yard. When I read at night in bed, it isn't long before I drift off

[ClingingToHope]

Reds win, Reds win. Hey, BBJ, this pennant race is going to keep me occupied the rest of the baseball season. I'll check out Aterburn when the season is over.