New here but learning slowly. Advice appreciated

[Albuquerque]

Thanks for all the advice. I appreciate the welcome. I've read the "required readings" and think I'm pretty well on my way. Based on your advice, I WONT discuss this with my sister. I think you're right in that she wouldn't get it. Hell, I don't get it most of the time.

I have already broken a few of the cardinal rules however, and thought I'd be up front and honest about that. A few months ago, out of the blue and in the middle of the night, my H sent me an email in which he apologized over and over and stated that he was scared, miserable, and confused most of the time and didn't know what "broke". As a bit of history, H is the most open minded person I know. I think some of this has actually been developed during what I perceive to be a pre-MLC state. He has been more actively reading a lot about psychology, brain issues, religion vs atheism etc. Therefore, I was in a quandry. He seemed lost and yet I knew (probably) what the problem was. Granted, knowing what the problem is does NOTHING to help the problem. But after much deliberation (and knowing full well the recommendations not to do so) I sent my H a link to a website that briefly described MLC. I did this because I felt he had the searching need in him enough to perhaps get a little sense of the truth of the site. He never really mentioned anything to me after that, although jokingly with me and my daughter he once proclaimed, "If I'm gonna have a MLC then by golly I need to get a Lotus!" (sportscar of his dreams). So I know he read it and didn't end up hating me or even necessarily disagreeing with me.
So when I recently read a book that really resounded with me in it's attempts to explain the MLC process and seemed to be able to potentially shed some light for MLC sufferers, I again debated whether or not to recommend it to H. I know FULL well the recommendation against doing so and understand why. However, in a lot of cases, it seems that the WS is just going with the flow and not really questioning the whys of their actions. My H however, has been questioning a lot. It hasn't stopped him from leaving the home and getting an OW, so I'm not saying he's much better than anyone else (dont get me wrong). But knowing his open-mindedness I felt it might warrant a try. But on a deeper level for me, the book showed me the terror, and dark days that the MLCers experience. Were I in a similar state, and my loved ones had a way to potentially help in a little way, I would hope that they would do so. So, because I felt my H had a sliver of a chance of seeing through the MLC fog while reading the book, I went ahead and recommended it via email. I was very succinct that it was not to "fix" anything nor did I hold any expectations that he would read it and certainly no expectations that he'd discuss it with me.
I left the book on the TV while I went to work today and he watched my D. He texted me and said he wasn't sure about my recommendation but he'd give it "a whirl" after he was done reading his current book.
The fact that there is an OW in the picture is the biggest issue as I see it. While I think he has an open enough mind to perhaps gain some insight into other issues in his life (which are important), I think he's probably too much "in love/lust" right now to think clearly on the folly of the new relationship and/or the mess/loss that he's left behind.
So let the scoldings begin. I can take it. Like I said, for me, I feel better about myself. Knowing that I am doing what I can do to help him. Would I like to get our R back? Sure. But that's really not why I did it. Like most of you, I still dearly love him and it hurts me to know the pain that he's going through. I will sleep better at night knowing I did what I felt I had to do. Now we'll just have to see what comes of it (if anything). I still understand it's a journey and know that we're still talking a process of years for him to figure things out. I just hope that in that time, he doesn't mess too many things up.

I'm working on GAL although I am getting disgusted at seeing OW "liking" every friggin' post that my H makes. I've found myself NOT wanting to "like" his posts that I actually like since I know she'll end up doing it too and somehow that creeps me out. It would kind of be a visual reminder of how he's got two women in his life. One he's married to and one he's "in love" with. How bassakwards is that?!